Is This Love?

Broken

Levi POV

We stood before the court in shackles.  I was holding my usual glare at everyone in the room. They heard our testimonies and were now debating whether or not we were guilty. In this case, it means if they will kill us or spare us. I looked over at Erwin who had been denying everything between us. Even though we agreed to do this, it broke my heart to hear him say he didn't love me and that I was only a subordinate. The Jury had returned and stated their decision.

"Not guilty for both."

My eyes widened. They believed us. They really believed us. I didn't know if I could even say a word that describes the relief I felt at that moment. We stayed one more night in a cell before the shackles came off and we were set free. We did return to our base near the outside of the city. I followed Erwin into his office and he sat at his desk.

"Erwin? I've been thinking long and hard about all this and..." I paused and took a seat in front of his desk. His blue eyes met mine as I started to talk again. "I want to end this. We almost were caught. It doesn't mean I don't love you but I would rather push back now before you get killed o-or I get killed. I can't bare the thought of losing you like that." Erwin's expression saddened and he looked down to the papers that rested on the wooden surface.

"I.... I understand. I love you as well. Seeing you die because of me will crush me." He clenched his fists and exhaled a deep breath. "Go Levi... I need time alone. We're done." I only bowed my head and turned to leave the office. I shut the door behind me and stepped into my room. I held back the urge to cry, instead I punched a wall a few times until my knuckles began to ache and bleed. I closed my eyes and broke down, pressing my forehead to the wall. I cried and slumped to my knees. I heard a soft knock on the door then it opened. I probably woke someone. Great. I felt the person go to their knees behind me. A familiar set of arms wrapped around me from behind and just held me. I opened my eyes and looked down to see part of a red scarf draped over one of my shoulders. Mikasa. I closed them and laid my hands over her arms.

I ended up crying myself to sleep that night, in her arms. My head rested on her lap and her fingers slipped through my hair. The dried tears had stained my cheeks and I felt sick to my stomach. I woke up and she was asleep as well, her back to the wall and her hair resting on her face. I sat up and just looked at her for a few moments before looking to my hand. My knuckles were bruised badly but it stopped bleeding. My eyes held no type of emotion in them as I stood to go clean and bandage my hand. He really shoved me aside that quickly... Thought he cared enough to say goodbye. Water filled my eyes again. They were already swollen and puffy from crying as it was. I shouldn't make it any worse.

I looked into my reflection and sighed putting some water in my palms to wet my face. I rubbed my face some and glided my fingers through my hair. I'll be okay. I went back to my room and Mikasa's eyes opened slowly. She looked up and they widened some.

"He-Heichou. G-Gomen nasai." She quickly stood up and turned to leave. I quickly grabbed her hand and she looked at me. I pulled her close and hugged her tightly with my face in her chest. She seemed shocked and her hands stroked my hair. "Are you okay, Levi?"

"No but I'm trying." I mumbled and pulled back to look at her. She managed a smile and I turned to get into my harness. I put my cravat on and fixed my hair. "We have work to do now." I slipped on my jacket before leaving my room. I narrowed my eyes as I walked passed Erwin, saying not a word to him. Mikasa followed me silently, holding her scarf.

Chores started and we all cleaned out our horse's stalls and fed them before it was time to do a scouting mission. Hanji and the others were on edge about the recent titan attacks. None of knew who was doing it. I saddled my horse and climbed on before looked ahead. I was finally able to go out this time without Erwin telling me to stay, as if I'm a child. We road out once the gate opened and we started our survey mission. I took a breath and looked around ushering the groups to split up now. The commander scolded me for taking over his role but I ignored him and flipped him off before going to the west side of the group. Mikasa had gone east. I looked her direction and she looked back giving me a reassuring smile. I nodded and my group went around the first set of titans. I wanted to go and shred them but I held back due to my recent mistakes and injuries. The scouting mission was successful until the ride back. It seems the titans were on edge about us now. I looked ahead and spotted a giant abnormal. It was like a monkey of some sort. I gestured for my group to go around the back of it and not engage. It paid no attention to us and I sighed softly in relief. We continued ahead and returned to our base. I went straight to Hanji about this new titan abnormal. She seemed confused as to where it came from but she pushed back and said she would look into it some more. I nodded and dismissed myself from her presence. I felt the commander's eyes on me and I took a deep breath just walking inside. I needed a big cup of black tea and a nap. I headed into the kitchen and began making the tea. I waited for a moment and watched the tea get prepared before pouring myself a cup. I took a sip after blowing on it and sighed happily. I glanced over once I felt a hand on my shoulder. Mikasa was there. I looked away and took a drink of the tea.

"I'm sorry, Ackerman. I felt myself not deserving you. That's why I pushed you away. Then I realized.... Erwin......" I clenched a fist and looked down. "Nevermind." I took a breath and finished the tea before setting the cup down and turning to walk away. I felt her arms around me and her face buried in my back. Her words were inaudible to my ears but I closed my eyes and said nothing more. I soon felt a warmth around my neck then I looked down to see she had wrapped the scarf around my neck.

"Heichou... Imanotokoro sore o tamotsu. [ Keep it for now. ] Give it back when you're better." Mikasa kissed the back of my neck and I nodded slowly before going to my room. I took off my equipment and harness before curling up in my chair. I napped dreamlessly for what it seemed like a long time. I honestly didn't want to wake up. I hugged the scarf and buried my face into it's fabric. Mikasa.. Gomen...

End of chapter 8. I am sorry for not having updated in a long time.

I hope this chapter helps out with the RivaMika reunion. ^*^