Losing Time

Perfect You

You wanna know why you're doing too well and why it makes me anxious? Okay so you're caring, you're loving, you're there for me anytime I need it, you're always trying to help me, you worry about me, you buy me chocolate. You love me. Each time I look at you, I see it in your eyes. I see the endless love and it makes me anxious. But that's not your fault. You're the boyfriend every girls dream about and that makes me anxious too. I don't feel like I give as much as you give me. No... actually I know I don't give as much as you give, but I want to give more than you do... but I just can't. You're never angry. There's never something negative and that's being too perfect for me. I can't handle that.

I'll tell you one thing, remember when I asked you if you were picking up on me? You wrote in capital letters that you weren't, meaning that you were angry and it felt right and it relieved me a little bit knowing that you can be mad at me but that's the only time. The only time I really felt you were opening yourself to me not thinking of what to say. You being spontaneous, not worrying about what to say or how I would react.
You're the perfect boyfriend always trying his best each time and putting so much energy, that's what I meant by too perfect.

It's like I can't handle that much love and it's weird to say cause I want to give you more than what you give me. And that's why I'm so insecure. I don't feel like it's real and it's weird and it's stressing me for real! I just want your happiness and I feel like I'm not the one best suited for you to give you that and that's why I'm saying I don't think I deserve you. It's a vicious circle, this relation became toxic because we want the best for the other without thinking of our own needs. We're killing ourselves in this relation and I don't want that for you. It's because I love you that I have to let go of you.