"I'm Sorry"

How You found Me

Xavier's POV

It was like any other weekend, a party at my house. It felt different though for some reason.

Was today special? Was there an occasion I had forgotten? Man, Elise will have my head.

"Finally it'll be over between you two." I mentally rolled my eyes at my wolf, Ryker as I like to call him.

"Come on, we both know she isn't our mate. She's not for us." She could be, maybe we haven't had that spark yet. You don't know.

"You've been with her about two years? And you want me to believe that you haven't had the spark yet? Are you serious?" Oh if you know so much, enlighten me.

"There's nothing, no one, that can compare to our mate." You're over exaggerating. You just don't like Elise and I'm not even sure why. She's great, a perfect fit as our mate.

Ryker huffed and stalked off deeper into my mind.  

I may have said that to him but it feels like a lie. Almost as if I'm trying to convince myself more so than him.

"Xavier!" Over the loud music and my thoughts I hear Elise calling for me. I see her making her way through the crowd, a smile on her face.

The same smile I've seen for the past two years, but I'm struggling to reciprocate it. I used to grin easily when she smiled and now I can't look her in the eye without feeling guilty.

I know Ryker is right. Elise isn't ours. We have already found our mate. I know I should break it off but we're all she has.

Elise lost her parents in a rogue ambush when we were thirteen. My parents took her in. But that didn't keep her from being afraid of everyone. So my parents pushed me to befriend her, soon enough we were the best of friends. Then she confessed and we were going out.

We made a pact, if either of found our mates we would tell the other. We'd break it off, clean slate, no strings attached.

I couldn't break the pact. But I don't think I can keep this up either. I don't have it in me to see her tear stained face again. Albeit this has to be done.

[Flashback]

We were sitting on the couch, a movie was playing in the background. My parents were out for the night. It was the perfect opportunity to talk.

"Elise?" I said nervously.

"Yeah?" She moved her head from my shoulder and looked at me, "What's up?"

"I've been thinking . . ." She nodded, "About how I'm 18 and all, if I found my mate what would happen to us." Her facial expression dropped. I heard her heart beat increase and the sharp in take of breath.

"I-I don't know," Her voice was shaky, she turned away from me and sat up. She put a little bit of distance between us, "I can't imagine a life without you, Xavier. I have no one but you." Her voice cracked a little near the end.

"You know that best. My parents are gone. I don't have any real friends, they're all yours." She was full on sobbing.

"Hey, hey. Look at me, Elise." I turned her body towards me, lifted her face towards mine. I saw her red teary eyes, I felt awful. I pulled her in for a hug.

She sobbed in my chest, I knew right then and there that I couldn't do it. I couldn't break her heart because I found my mate.

And for that, I am sorry Lexi Anderson.

[End of Flashback]

"Xavier?" I was pushed out of my thoughts once again but this time in front of me stood Elise.

"What were you thinking about?" She had one hand on my shoulder, her body turned towards mine, while her other hand held a drink.

"It was nothing. Do you want to go somewhere quieter?" She pouted a little and looked at me confused. Usually I would have found it adorable but for months now only one person held the apple of my eye.

After passing through more drunken teenagers, we reached the kitchen. The one place I knew would be empty. It was a rule for the kitchen to be empty, if any one touched the kitchen my mom would have their heads, mine included.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"  She was sitting on the kitchen counter, slightly leaning down. Her hands holding onto the ledge of the counter. Her drink was long gone.

I stood in the gap between her dangling legs. My hands resting just a bit away from hers.

"I don't know if it's something we can talk about." Ryker was going crazy in my mind, I wasn't sure why but I brushed him off.

"Sure we can, what's going on inside that brain of yours?" She smiled but I knew it was going to fade as fast as it had appeared.

"My mate." She looked shocked at first, but slowly her face became solemn. I could see the tears beginning to work, she rested her face in crook between my shoulder and neck. I wrapped my arms around her.

I whispered, "I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore." I had a bittersweet smile on my face.

And that's when I heard the whimper that broke my heart, you were there. How much did you hear? How long were you there? What did you hear?

You had tears streaming down your face. Just as I moved away from Elise, you ran. I don't know what hurt more, the pain I have caused you or how fast you wanted to get away from me.

I knew there was no way to follow your sweet cinnamon and vanilla scent, outside of this room reeked of alcohol and wet dog. It didn't help that I couldn't smell you before you were even in the room. I could only smell Elise's heavy perfume.

I had long moved away from Elise, instead I was standing at the door way of kitchen. On the floor was presumably your phone. I picked it up and on your lock screen was an image of you with your best friend, Landon. You were smiling. It was a blow to my already beaten heart.

"I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen to me." Ryker was stomach down, paws out, and his head rested on them. He was in submissive stance, a weak and vulnerable one. It was the first time I've seen him like this.

I made him like this. I did this. I had broken his heart, Elise's, mine and most importantly yours.

I'm sorry Ryker. I'm sorry Elise.

I'm sorry Lexi Anderson, my true mate.