"I'm Sorry"

Breaking Point

Lexi's POV

"You need to stop with this act."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Get yourself together."

Everyone thinks the pain I feel isn't real. I guess I put on such a great act that even I don't know why I'm doing this anymore. All the fake smiles, laughs, like nothing changed. Like I didn't find you but I have been slipping up.

I don't know why I'm still living, or even breathing at this point. I don't know anything at this point. I forget how long it's been since I found out who you were. Who you were meant to be to me.

At lunch yesterday you weren't with her, where did she go? I thought nothing would separate you and her, you were the power couple. The couple everyone thought was real. The one you left me for, left you. I wonder if you can finally feel the pain I have felt. Or if you have felt it all along and used her to cover it up.

Which one was it?

It was one of those very rare days where I allowed Landon to drag me into the lunchroom. Since the day I broke down in the stairwell, we have been having lunch in anywhere but the lunchroom.

The secret rooftop garden, the table in the far back of the library, an empty classroom, anywhere and everywhere you weren't.

Days like today only happened because Landon forgot to pack a lunch and he refused to leave me alone. Or as I quote, "Don't you know how wrong and offensive it is, for a knight to leave his fair maiden to fend for herself? I'm appalled you would suggest such an idea." A fake shocked face and all to complete the act.

We were in line getting food, well Landon was. While I took a quick scan of the room. I spotted your table. My brother, Malcolm, sitting right beside you as usual. But there was something missing, her.

She wasn't sitting on your lap, or even in the vicinity of your table. No, she wasn't even in the room. Why? Where would she go when you were right here?

Who could she be with, if all she had was you? The Alpha couple, your parents, took her in because her parents were killed by rogues and she had no other family to take her. But that's why you were with her right, because she had no one else?

Or is that just false hope on my part? The last hope I have left hanging onto you.

That maybe before you found me, you two got together because you thought you had something or maybe she was your mate. But then you couldn't break it off because you felt guilt, that you stayed with her out of the kindness of your heart.

Not because you loved her, but because you felt obligated. A sense of duty to her because she was all on her own.

But what about me? Was I never thought about in your decision? Was I never considered?

It makes me wonder what went on in that head of yours, that morning of your birthday.

[Flashback]

"Wake up sleepy head!" I yelled. He scrunched his nose and turned away from me, but there was no way I was leaving until he got up.

"Come on, Xavier!" Slowly he opened his eyes, one blue and one grey. Beautiful, breathtaking really. It was like the air around us changed.

I was straddling his stomach, while leaning down cupping his face in my hands. I smiled and you touched my forearms, like you were going to pull my hands from your face.

But instead, you suddenly sat up as a shocked look appeared on your face. "Ahhhh!"

I almost fell off completely, but in the nick of time you wrapped your arms around my back and waist. Holding me close to you as my hands somehow managed to land on your shoulders during the altercation.

I was practically straddling your lap now. The blanket which had covered you, fell to your waist. Your whole upper body, abs and toned biceps exposed to the cold morning air as it became clear to me you slept in your boxers.

I became entranced.

We were staring into each other's eyes, I was slowly leaning in closer. Closer and closer, just when our lips were about to touch-"Xavier!" Elise was called for you, immediately ridding the moment between us.

I immediately pushed you away. Rushing out of the room. Confused out of my mind.

[End Of Flashback]

At the time, I didn't know you were mine but I was so attracted to you in that moment, even before it. It just didn't make sense to me because you were hers.

If I had connected the dots then, would you have considered my heart?

Or did you think nothing of our almost intimate moment?

But I guess the answer was clear. A whole year later and you were still with her.

I mean who would have wanted me anyways? Even the one I was destined for never wanted me, just like everyone else.

No one really wanted to get to know me, they wanted to come close because of you, my brother or even Landon. Even I don't want myself anymore. Not like this. This isn't me anymore.

I'm done.

I quit. I'm far beyond recovery. What's the point anymore?

Was there even one to begin with? Who's benefit was I doing this for? God I was such a fool all this time, thinking you'd come back to me. I'm done.

I'm sorry.

Author's Note: We're nearing the end, give or take three more chapters.