"I'm Sorry"

One Month

Lexi's POV

"It's okay, you'll find him someday." 

"Just keep looking."

"Any minute now and he'll come through the door."

"You'll just know when you find him."

What no one around me knows, is that I have already found you and you have already found me. Over the past month, it seems like everyone around me has found their mates.

All I can reply with is, "I hope so." But that's a lie. A lie we both know. But while I'm standing alone near couples, you're being just as mushy as other couples are with her.

Sometimes I wonder if you could feel the pain I do when I see you kiss her. Or from the pure contact of skin to skin that you share with her. Or when you're both in your own world just staring into each other's eyes with loving smiles for each other.

But even after a month, I'm still not over you. I can't help but look in your direction as you pass by. I can't help but want you. Is it because of the bond? Or do I really want you? I mean do I really want you?





When I had returned that night from Landon's apartment, I immediately went up to my room and locked myself away. I didn't want to answer any questions from my family, especially Malcolm. 

The next morning however, I found my phone was returned to me. It was on my bedside table, the photo on the lockscreen shining bright. How I wish I could go back to that moment. The time where I didn't know you as you.

Lately I have been trying to busy myself with school work but it's not working. I even avoid areas where I know I'll see you but it doesn't work. I don't sit in the cafeteria anymore because I can hardly resist the urge to breakdown at the sight of you and her. She's sitting comfortably on your lap and giggling without a care in the world with your arms wrapped around her waist, holding her tight. I have to  unintentionally avoid the few people who I can trust because I'm trying to hold myself together.

"Lexi! Wait up!" Fuck. I stopped walking, I knew that deep voice yelling from behind me. The slightly crowded hallway also seemed to slow down around me, some people watching me with curiosity and others just merely glance in my direction. A few hateful glances thrown in the mix, it's not my fault he doesn't like hoes.

I felt his hand rest on my shoulder, "There you are! Geez speed demon where have you been? You're never at lunch anymore. Are you eating properly? What happened?" It was Landon of course. If there was one person to notice my absence from the lunch room, it would be him. I wonder if you noticed or even knew I was a few tables away to begin with. "Hello? Earth to Lexi Anderson. Lexi Anderson, report requested."

"Huh? Oh sorry. I just blanked out. Was there something you needed?" Looking up at him with a fake smile across my face, trying to maintain a happy facade. He just stood there staring at me, without any words he began pulling me away. "Landon? Where are you taking me?" I didn't want to attract more attention than necessary, so I whispered as I tried to keep up with his long strides.

Finally after a few minutes, we arrived at an empty stairwell. "Goddamn it Landon—" 

"Don't goddamn me, talk to me damn it! You think I haven't noticed the fake smile you've been plastering on your face for the past few weeks? What do you take me for, a fool? I'm your best friend Lexi, give me more credit here. I've been letting it slide for far too long. I'm worried about you. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You shouldn't be suffering because he's an asshole. You deserve so much more." As he said this, he had me pinned between his arms and a wall. 

My face was going through a range of emotions; shocked, guilty and hurt. I couldn't look him in the eyes, so I directed my gaze to the floor. I bit my lower lip to try and stop it from quivering to prevent the sobs that would pass from my lips as tears welled in my eyes.

"Lex? Look at me." It was a name he had called me when he knew I was down in the dumps. It was a name he called me, since my younger self couldn't properly pronounce my own name correctly. I kept saying 'Wex', my parents found it adorable and decided to not correct me.

I refused to raise my gaze from the marble tiled floor. Since this is Landon we're talking about here, he always does the unexpected like right now. He squatted down so he was in my view and took both my hands in his, "What's wrong Lex? I can't help you if you don't talk to me. Please." He pulled a puppy dog face. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. But a traitorous tear cascaded down my cheek at that exact moment. Immediately he pulled me into a hug, one of his hands holding my head to his chest and the other wrapped around my waist. "Let it out. I've got you."

It was like his words broke down the dam that held back my tears and anguish. It felt like my heart was ripping apart all over again, memories of that night and the past month comeback again. Memories of how you wouldn't even spare a glance in my direction in the halls. How you would shower her with kisses, public affection to announce to the world that she was yours.

The few minutes that passed seemed like hours, my tears dried. I gave Landon a weak push against his chest to put space between us. He loosened his grip and I raised my head from his chest. "Did you need a little space? Sorry I love keeping you close to my heart." He gave me a bright grin, "Better?" I simply shook my head as a small genuine smile appeared. One that he could only give me since I've met you.

It's strange, isn't it? How it's been a month since I've met you and yet the one person who has made me smile isn't you. Is this what it's supposed to be like when someone finds their mate?  I'm confused. A part of my heart says I should still want you because of who you are, but another is crushed beyond belief. A rational part of me says I shouldn't be hurt over you, but I can't help it.

One month and you still haunt me, how much longer will it take till I come completely undone?

How much more time do I have left in me?