Sick Is the New Sane

The Hospital

I sat there on the white couch in the main room of the hospital. I was twirling one little blade that I had snuck in between my fingers and just day dreaming of the night that my friend found me. I tried to die but then they took me to the hospital. I was still slightly mad at them for saving me. I didn't want to be saved. I didn't deserve to be saved. I was cold in my thin blue paper scrubs that they put all the inmates in. I had been here two weeks and I did the same thing everyday. I didn't say anything to the other patients or nurses. They just stuck me with needles and handed me sedations.

"Ms. Harley. Would you like to join this afternoon's group therapy session?" A nurse said from right behind me. It scared me so bad and I hid the blade in my hand as I jumped up. I didn't say anything and avoided her eye contact.

"I take that as a no then." She wrote something down on her clipboard and walked away.

At dinner I had my usual cup of pudding and diet coke. I hated hospital food and I wanted to show them that I could not be controlled. Of course they marked it on your file if you didn't eat. They sent us back to our rooms and we all went to sleep. Well some of us. Some us is just laid in bed and couldn't sleep. Your brain wouldn't let you sleep. I was just playing scenes of my life over and over in my head and wondering what would have changed if it never had happened. I don't remember falling asleep but I woke up the next morning to nurses getting me up for morning vitals. Everyone was lined up half asleep to get their morning meds. Morning time was always interesting because you would wake up and there would always be new people that came in during the night. You could tell they were new because they were in the same uniform as everyone else and they were slightly confused. I was headed to the back of the line when I saw this really tall lanky guy. He had black hair and really icey blue eyes. He was about 6'2" with an extremely skinny frame and lots and lots of tattoos all over his arms and everywhere I could see. He noticed I was looking over him and just looked away slightly in shame. Nobody was talking you could just hear the machine beeping with different numbers the nurses made note of. There was one nurse who I really liked. She was the only one that was nice to me.

"Goodmorning Harley!" She said in a cheery tone. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept well, thanks you." I said kind of groggy.

She took my blood pressure and I caught the eye of the guy with the tats.

"Who's that?" I asked Jessica quietly.

"His name is Andrew. He's a new patient."

Andrew

My day went like normal again except today was Monday and it was the day that I saw the doctor.

"Ms. Harley, on the scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, what would you rate your depression?" The doctor asked me.

During each patient's appointment, the doctor sat at his desk and you sat in a chair facing him. There were always two councillors to your left. I hesitated before answering because they always wrote down what you said.

"Like a 4" I lied.

"Very good. And are you currently having any suicidal thoughts Ms. Quinn?"

"None." I lied again. Of course I was still suicidal, there wasn't a time where I didn't want to die.

"Have you been going to therapy like the nurses have recommended?"

"Of course." I looked down.

"Any hallucinations or "voices"?

"None."

"None? Have you had any visions about your prophet?"

"NONE!" I slightly was getting heated. How dare he speak to me like i'm some crazy person. I mean look where you are Harley

"Well I won't be increasing your Prozac this week but I want you to be having special sessions with Dr. Jason." The doctor closed his file and dismissed me.

"How was it?" I heard a voice come from behind me. It was so sexy and deep it gave me chills. I spun on my heals almost slipping. He probably heard me yell.

"Woah-wh-what?" Oh my god it was him...

"Fi-f-fine" I stuttered.

"Nice. What's your name?"

"Harley"

"Im Andrew. But you can just call me Andy"

"Why are you here?" He asked after a moment. By then we were sitting across from each other at a table across the room. The nurses couldn't hear us from here.

"Bullshit" I shrugged and laughed dodging his eyes. You could tell he could see right past me. I hated the term "Suicide Attempt".

"Depressed. I'm kind of psychotic I guess. " I just laughed

"Are you?" He squinted. I just looked at him and shot him a look saying Don't ask me anymore questions please.

"Yeah.." I whispered.

"Me too." He smirked

"What about you..." I asked actually looking at him.

"Well I kind of had a freak out at one of my last concerts and my band members didn't think I was ok so they sent me here." He seemed sad. Almost betrayed at the thought that his own friends almost family would abandon him like that. A part of me understood what he must have felt. That was almost exactly what happened to me.

"You're in a band?" I asked trying to change the subject

"Yeah have you ever heard of Black Veil Brides?"

"I've seen a couple t shirts in Hot Topic yeah" I laughed

"Well that's us" He actually smiled.

"I've been here for a couple weeks and I haven't talked to anyone but you." I was slightly eyeing all his tats on his arms and neck. Kind of fascinating actually.