Into The Night

Forty-Six

Four straight sleepless nights with nothing but the vague memories run through my mind. For a while, I was just watching the movies I had in my phone since everything was in my laptop. The external, I got back but the rest of it was entirely useless and beyond repair. For those times, I borrowed Niall's so I could watch my old movies and download new ones, and he let me as he doesn't use it very much.

Sleep was hardly my friend as it doesn't even visit me. Thoughts, well, keep your enemies closer and closer they were in my head. They've just been filling my mind with memories and thoughts. . . mostly it's freaking her.

"Where you headed, mate?" Niall asked seeing as we were both up by six AM and I was getting dressed to go somewhere.

"I gotta take my mind off things." I replied, my thoughts had been bugging me for days now, I could barely get any rest from it, there's just no escaping the things I did.

I didn't regret it, I didn't regret the firecrackers, the hallway rains, I didn't regret those. But I do regret wrecking what my friends worked hard for and destroying what I've been building here in Canada.

This is what I meant by total disaster. As if everything is planned out for me, whenever I plan something out and break it, just as I knew it, catastrophe always breaks out. It's why I have my personal superstitions in the first place, to keep me in place. Now, that I am completely out of place, I just don't know what to do and I couldn't go back to what I always do here. . . because that involved my friends and Taylor.

I was really sorry. Regret and guilt had never filled me up as much as it does now. I really want to make it up for them but I don't know how. Niall is helping me keep up with them, he helps explain what happened because I was suspended and it'll be like that until the end of the week.

I started putting my shoes on as Niall was getting dressed in his uniform. I took my shades with me and somehow, that made Niall's eyebrows furrow and his mouth form into a thin line. He knows purely well that I don't bring my shades with me.

"What are you going to do?" He asked, not in any way offensive. I couldn't be set off by Niall's tones at the moment as he's the only friend I have left who really understood me.

I am more than grateful that he is there. At least, I had someone with me. He didn't like my actions, he didn't like what I did but he was there enough to understand and that's what kept me from being mad at the whole world. At least I have a friend with me.

"You know the thing Ajax had been inviting us out? That seemed fun at the moment." I said blankly. The word 'fun' isn't exactly taking its effects in my mind right now.

"The dirt track? You'd go there?" He asked and he seemed a bit worried.

I took my coat and put it on me, "You know you can't stop me." I said, expressionless.

"You just got back on your feet." He said and he was right. Yesterday was the first time I was strong enough to stand up after I collapsed last Friday. . . after everything.

It took me a lot just for Niall not to take me to the hospital because as I've said, I don't like needles. I've been used to this. I haven't even been hospitalised back home when I'm sick. Mostly, it's just rest and then I'll get better.

"I can't concentrate on anything." I said, "I can't even sleep. I need to do something, I-I need to get back to —"

I stopped once I remembered Taylor's voice ringing inside my head. . . the ones that she said last time about people getting hurt and them taking responsibility for your actions. I kept hearing it inside my head and it's one of the reasons I couldn't sleep.