Forty-Seven

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It's true that I don't want to be reminded of Taylor. . . I want to see her.

But it was only for a minute until I decided to walk away. I might as well keep my distance now while I have a chance like this, it's almost February. . ., one month gone and pretty soon the next four will come and go as fast as January did.

It was only a minute until I reminded myself to keep walking. Again, meeting her, no one told me to run, I was too late to realise that I should. . . maybe it isn't too late to walk away.

I'm stubborn and I know that. She cannot expect any apology from me. . . that's it.

When eventually, I knew I was close to being exhausted, I turned back to the dorm and snuck in. I leaned my head against the wall as I was seated on my bed. I took Niall's laptop and watched a few movies again. . .

I wanted, for a moment. . . I wanted to take those sleeping pills so I could sleep but I don't like the idea of it. It's been a week. My body is stubborn but it can reach its limits.

Monday morning, the suspension was finally finished but to be honest, I've got no idea how to handle that day. I've never felt this anxious my whole life. I looked up at the newly painted ceilings and newly installed smoke alarms, trying to calm myself down. . . it worked. . . slightly.

I put my headphones on, playing with a pen in my hands. People occasionally bump against me and I was trying my best not to turn my head and just ignore. Turns out, I was still panicked about the string of firecrackers inside my bag.

I just hear the firecrackers all over again. I shut my eyes for a moment. . . remembering every painful memory inside my head.

When I realised I couldn't take that kind of panic and anxiousness, I turned my heel and ran back outside the school premises. The guard stopped me, saying things like I can't go outside because I already am inside the school grounds and it's almost seven AM.

I didn't look at him. "I forgot something." I said.

All the guard did was laugh, "Nice try, junior."

"No, really I--" my eyes widened as I looked behind him. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" I yelled, taking a step back in panic.

The moment he turned around, I walked under his arm and passed through the gate. They always fall for that.

I started running, knowing that he might run after me and I only have a block to run. Normally, that would have left a smirk on my face as I've outsmarted another person but there isn't a moment for triumph anymore.

When I got back to the dorm, I dropped everything and went directly to the bathroom.

I splashed my face with cold water, trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. I looked at myself as my face was dripping wet. My hair was unstyled and uncut, already pass the haircut regulation. I look very pale and there were already dark circles around my eyes.

I sat on my bed, trying to remember what I was anxious about. Mostly, it's the gang. What kind of face am I to show them after that theatre incident?!

I looked under my bed and took that bag of spray paints. It isn't easy for me, but the difference is. . . it'll be easier with presentation.

I moved around the school, under the bridge and to the old hangout wall. I miss that part. It wasn't easy but I managed to climb it even with the spray paints.

Sighing, I started to work. . . I actually miss this. Right besides our old masterpiece, I spray painted the word "Sorry" and everything including the background was theatrically designed.

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