flashback
The day Pluto died she was angry. She was livid. I had been outside of her house all day, beating on the window, begging for any hint she loved me or ever did. She broke up with me the morning before, she said she was running away, going to Baltimore. I didn't believe her until she brought the plane ticket to school, and I broke down. I got light-headed from yelling about how dumb she was. How she could never escape this town, how she had become a robot like everybody else. Jane sat there, blurry-eyed, blinking, dumbstruck.
Pluto had her head in her hands, "what do you think?" and she was talking to Jane, who had become her favorite source of advice.
"I think," she glanced over at me and swallowed, "you should go for it."
"What?!" I screamed. I felt like everybody betrayed me, like everyone was against me, like I was an accessory to a crime that hadn't yet been committed.
"You're both," I pointed an accusing finger. But it just shook in the air. I was shaking. "You're both insane and you're both going nowhere. Live together, get married. I don't fucking care anymore!"
And for a second, Pluto looked relieved. But then she was clouded in worry again. This was the last time I saw a look of tenderness from her. She took my hand in her hands, she squeezed, "I can't do this anymore, Marigold. I can't be your perfect girlfriend anymore," her voice cracked.
My face faltered, it fell. This is the only time I had no control over any muscle in my body. I felt like I'd wear a permanent frown forever. I pulled my hand out of hers, "You don't mean that."
A tear fell from her cheek, "I don't know what I mean anymore! Everyone wants to drive me crazy! I'm leaving and I'm never coming back." She crossed her arms and got up from the table. She started to walk away but then she looked back. She saw Jane's helpless expression, Jane looked like Bambi after it's mother had been killed.
"Pluto," her voice came out so soft. I wished I could be Jane, just for a day.
And Pluto ran back, she always did at the sound of Jane's voice. She kissed Jane on the forehead and stayed there for a few moments, with her eyes closed, patting her hair, enveloping her in the love I always wanted. The goodbye I never got. "I'm sorry."
And then she was gone. The last time I ever saw her. What hurt so much is that they were both in that car together. Were they just driving to the airport together? One last goodbye? Were they leaving me forever? Was she so in love with Jane that she couldn't care less about me? These are the the questions that haunt me everyday.
