Happier With You

Christmas Morning

"Mummy! Can we please go open our presents now?" Your kids jumped on top of your sleeping figure. You chuckled, "Now? It's too early." You shuffled to your side but they didn't let you.

"No mummy, now," they began to pull your arms. "Alright, alright, let's go. I'll also make some hot chocolate," you giggled. "Seb already made it," James pulled you down the stairs.

"Has he now?" You raised a brow; they hummed. He was exiting the kitchen with 4 cups of hot chocolate, "Good morning." The twins ran to the tree and immediately slumped to the floor while you greeted Sebastian with a morning kiss.

The noise of gift wrap paper being ripped filled the room. You put music in the background and situated yourself under Sebastian's arm. James and Angelo admired the presents they received.

**

"I'm glad you loved it," Ben hugged his daughter. He let go and she went to play with her new dollhouse. Christopher began to fuss; Ben walked over to him and carried him. His muffles decreased until he was sound asleep again. Heidi exited the kitchen to join her family.

She hasn't mentioned anything about what she saw on Ben's phone and she had no intention of doing that either. Ben cradled his son in his arms, "I'm grateful for you and for allowing me to come back home."

Heidi rested her head on his chest, avoiding eye contact, "It wouldn't be Christmas without you." He kissed her head and they both continued to watch as their daughter opened another gift.

A few hours later, Ben took his family to his parent's place for a Christmas lunch. "Dear come in," Wanda greeted. "Hello mum," Ben gave her a hug. "Merry Christmas," Heidi told Wanda as they hugged. "Merry Christmas," Wanda repeated.

Tim joined everyone, exchanging greetings and hugs as well. "Let's go to the kitchen, I've made some biscuits for you Angela," Wanda led Heidi and Angela to the kitchen. Tim and Ben stayed behind; Ben carried his son.

"What's eating you up?" Tim curiously enquired. He clearly had broken Ben's train of thought. "Hm.? Oh, nothing, erm it's nothing," Ben rapidly responded. His dad went to the liquor cabinet and poured Ben and himself a glass of scotch. Tim passed it to Ben, "You're my son, I know when something's bothering you."

Ben sipped from his glass, "Nothing's bothering me." Tim attentively eyed his son, "You're right, something's making you feel depressed." Ben ceased his motions only making it obvious that his dad's deductions were correct. "What is it?" Tim worried.

Ben shook his head, he wanted to get all his trapped feelings out but he couldn't. "It's about," Ben couldn't find himself to continue. "Y/n?" Tim whispered. Ben gradually nodded his head.

"Has something happened to her?" Tim continued with his quiet voice to keep the ladies in the kitchen oblivious about the ongoing conversation. "No, thank God. It's just her in general. I can't stop.. thinking about her. Nothing can take her off my mind except my kids. Her smile just reappears over and over again. The other day I saw her photoshoot from Vanity Fair and I couldn't... I couldn't contain myself," Ben downed his drink.

"The pictures taken of her made me go completely mad for her again. They sparked something I thought I've had for a few years now. I was sure that I had it and I want to convince myself that I do with Heidi... but I don't know anymore," Ben shut his eyes.

"I cried before coming here. This is not an exaggeration. I really did and it was because I came across recent pictures of her... with her new partner. I couldn't and I still can't cope with the idea of her being with another man," he rubbed his eyes.

Tim was utterly muddled by his son's confession, "Ben of course you have that spark with Heidi, you've been married to her for some years now. You would've known she didn't give you the spark after what... four years?" Ben shook his head, "Dad I don't–"

"–What happened with your mum? Hm?" Tim interrupted his son. "What happened to me?" Wanda interrupted. "Nothing," they both simultaneously responded. She eyed them carefully, "Alright.. lunch will be ready any minute now."

They began standing up. Tim stopped his son for a few short seconds, "Before me, your mother was married to another man. You'll know if Heidi doesn't give you the spark."

His father's words repeated in his mind throughout the week. Every time he encountered his wife he searched for that one thing that made him fall for her. It drove him bonkers since everything about her was magnificent.

It was New Year's Day; a day for a fresh start. All Ben wanted was to have Heidi become the central thought of his mind. It was late in the evening, Chris was barely put in the crib nearby and Angela played with her toys. The news lightly played on the unnoticed telly. Heidi sat beside Ben, she kept a fair amount of distance.

She looked into the flames of the fire that kept that part of their home cozy; Ben stared at it as well. She had so many thoughts in her mind, none of which she could actually formulate into sentences. Heidi also noticed his change of mood, he's been.. down for quite some time now. Ever since the twins birthday party, he has not been okay.

She couldn't take it anymore. With a calm voice, she indirectly spoke to him, "You still love her don't you?" Ben's body tensed, he was perplexed. "I know you still do. Just the other day you were crying looking at her pictures," Heidi wiped her nose with a tissue.

Ben had no words, he felt horrible. "I know you love me.. or the idea that I carried your children. That doesn't matter to me because I love you, but this.. this is too much to cope with," her eyes became crimson just like Ben's.

Her voice began to crack, "I know that you were happier with her." Ben swiftly turned towards her and grabbed her hands, "Heidi... I'm happy with you." She shook her head, "You're happy with your children. It's almost as if you felt guilt every time you see me."

He wiped away a stray tear, "I broke your heart, of course, I feel guilty." She couldn't contain hers either, "I saw the way you looked at her at the house and when she's with Sebastian. The other week you went to sleep looking at her pictures. When we started dating you warned me you would become over protectively jealous, you never did. Once Sebastian and she were together you couldn't contain it."

Benedict didn't want to admit that because it was true. He's never felt the need to become jealous of any other guy staring at Heidi, but dear lord, if any guy sets his eyes on you, he would rip them to pieces.

"I don't want to live like this, where the man I love is in love with his ex. It's painful," she caressed his cheek with her thumb. "No Heidi please, let me make it up to you," he squeezed her hand.

She gradually shook her head, "Ben, it's for the best." She began to cry, Ben following behind a second later. They enveloped each other in an embrace, they were both in much need of one.

Ben let his tears flow into Heidi's hair as she let hers seep through his shirt. They always found a way to make everything calm, with tranquility that set peace with each other. Ben didn't want to divorce his wife but at the same time, there was a feeling he needed to. He knew the spark wasn't present anymore.