Beautiful

Chapter Three

January 17th 10a.m. Elle's House Mullingar, Ireland

~Elle~

It's been a little more than 2 weeks since I've seen Niall. I was starting to think that he'll leave me alone. Tough luck.

My doorbell rang and I didn't have to think twice about who it was. I pulled open the door to meet Niall's smiling face. "You said one time, Niall," I said softly.

"I know, but I always find my way back here," he replied, taking my hand. I pulled away immediately. He coughed awkwardly and looked past me, into my house.

"I wanted to ask something about your mum," he said unexpectedly. I stared at him, waiting. "Oh. Well, did she know... About us?" "There wasn't an 'us'," I say coldly. "Okay. So you and I slept together with no feeling involved," he accused. I knew he won this argument.

"Fine. She did know that we slept together." "She hated me, then. For taking all of your innocence right before I left. She most likely thought I was using you." He sounded devastated. Mum thought the world of Niall, actually. "No, shhh. Niall, she didn't-" His eyes were watering up and I couldn't help it- I took his hand and led him in.

"Listen to me, Niall. I told Mum what you said. How you told me you loved me," I admitted, sitting with Niall on my couch. His blue eyes met mine and they were still watery. "What did she say?" "She said she knew it was love," I respond, giving a shy smile.

This was my first smile since... In a while. Even before Mum died I never smiled much and if I did, she was the cause of it. Ever since Niall became famous, I didn't smile at all.

Niall left me, but I lied. I told him I'd be okay even though I knew I'd be a wreck. So, in a way, I owed it to Niall to let him stay around, if he wanted. I certainly wasn't a bundle of joy to be around.

Niall ran his finger on the small dimple that appeared when I smiled. It was a little smile, a teeny dimple, but he'd always loved my dimples. I smiled wider at his touch, closing my eyes. "I'll say it was love. It still is," he whispered. I opened my eyes to meet his blue ones.

"I felt them," he whispered still, grabbing my wrist. No. "Niall, I-" "I know they're there, Elle." With shaky hands, he pushed back my sleeve to reveal them- cuts and scars. "You shouldn't harm yourself," he choked out. He was going to cry. I watched it, I just watched as a tear streaked down Niall's fair cheek.

"It's my body," I interjected, pulling my hand from his grip. "It was once mine!" All of the desperation and ownership in his voice caused the hole in my chest to patch up just barely. I was still too far gone, but knowing that Niall wanted me in the state I was seemed to thread a few stitches back into place.

January 17th 10:27a.m. Elle's House Mullingar, Ireland

~Niall~

I watched as Elle's eyes stayed on my hands. She was worried I'd touch her again. "How often do you do it?" "Once a day," she answered, somehow knowing what I meant.

"What happened to Niall's Elle?"

"What happened to Elle's Niall?"

"I'll always be yours. I'll always be here. I've been here these past years, Elle. Just not physically. I can't help my career took off, but that doesn't give you the right to be depressed and harm yourself!" My anger was starting to build up again, at myself, at Elle.

I don't understand how she could resort to cutting. It's something Elle and I have always disgusted. We've looked down on cutters, felt pity for them. We tried to help them. Not become them.

I took Elle's hand again, the. The other, pushing the sleeves to her elbows. She didn't protest, thankfully, because even though I didn't want to, I would've stopped.

"Where's the most recent?" "Here. Last night." She thumbs the spot, flinching. I take a moment to think, then bring her wrist to my lips, kissing at the newest addition to the many.

Elle didn't pick a certain place and cut on it repeatedly. No, she cut I several different places, sometimes the same place I've noticed. "Don't do anymore, please," I mumbled against her skin. She turned her face to look at the wall.

"I'll only have this. Niall, it's all I have to let out the pain." "I'll stay the night with you. Let me take away the pain, please," I begged. I had to pull open the empty she'll that was my Elle. I had to bring her back. I had to have her, all of her.

"I'm not saying I won't do it again tonight, so if you don't stop me, I'll let you stay," she warns. "You'll do it with me here?" "No." "The I'm staying." "Niall, I need-" "Me. You need me, Elle. Say it," I urged softly, thumbing my fingers along her wrist.

"I need you." "Just me?" "For the most part." I had a feeling that's all I'm getting from her.

~~~

It's not a choice of mine, to be here with Elle. Even scarred, this was my Elle. She was mine. And I had this bond with her that I just couldn't lose.

Leaving her at this moment would tear me apart. I waited patiently as she took a shower, hoping she'd let me stay in her room. I wouldn't push her into it. We did a absolutely nothing.

Movies and music reminded her of her mum. Gardening reminded her of her mum. Cooking and baking reminded her of her mum.

I'll let it go for now, but as I stay with her, I'll start encouraging her into it all. I wanted to finger paint with her again. I wanted to watch her lick cookie dough from her spoon. I wanted to watch her eyes light up as I sang to her.

"Niall?" I looked in the doorway and my heart pounded harder. She wasn't wearing my tee, even though I left it for her, but was in her own pajamas. I feigned a smile as she neared me and took my shirt from her hands.

"It's just... It's a memory," she said softly, looking embarrassed. "It's okay, Elle. I understand." I slipped it to the floor. "Can you go to the guest room? It's late," she suggested, climbing into bed beside me. I didn't want to, but I got up. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow morning," I said, kissing her forehead.

~~~

"Stop! Let go of her, she's not gone! She's still here!" Screamed pulled me from my light slumber. Elle? That's all I heard these days. Another scream startled me. This is real. Elle's crying out.

I leapt from my bed and skidded into the hall, stumbling across it into Elle's room. She was moving, turning rapidly in her sleep as I just watched. "Elle?" I whispered. She let out a soft cry. "Mum!" Oh, God. I hurried towards her, sitting onto her bed and grabbing her tiny wrists. "Elle, wake up, baby. Please," I begged.

Her eyes snapped open. Her breath was rapid and heavy. "Niall?" "Yes?" "Don't leave," she said suddenly, throwing her arms around me as she sat up. "I won't," I promise. "No. You've said that." "But I'm still here. I didn't leave, I took a vacation." "No more vacations." "Elle..." "Not for now, anyways. Stay with me." "I will, I'll stay."

We fell asleep with me laying on my back, Elle snuggled on top of me. She didn't let out not one cry or scream.