Somnia Moon

Chapter 11: Date

Rowen shut the sixth useless book she'd read since being here and closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She forced herself to stand, her trembling hands the only sign of the battle burning inside her, as she desperately tried to push every thought, every feeling, aside, except one simple task: go to the library, replace the book, get another. This was only her third day here. All she had to do was keep looking, and she would find everything she wanted.

But how many people's lives would she steal before she did? Neither of those people had deserved to die; what purpose had their deaths served other than to evoke fear within the town, fear that acted as a shield to protect her own selfish desires?

No. No, they had deserved to die. She was only protecting the town.

Telling herself this every day did little to quell her self-hatred.

Ignoring Evan who was sat at the table reading, she walked purposefully to the back wall and pushed the book back into the space that lay waiting for it like an empty bed. She immediately proceeded to scan the titles - Guide to Flora and Fauna in Western Somnia Moon, Brother's Grimm Fairytales, History of Illuminae, Basics of Electronics, Diamond Spiders, Arts & Crafts, Wild Fire, Imagine Reality, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing...

Rowen flung her arm along the length of the bookshelf, causing books to shoot out like paper airplanes and scatter along the soft, ruby floor. She shut her eyes tight, breathing deeply, forcing herself to calm down. Losing her temper accomplished nothing. But it was just so frustrating...she finally had her chance to start over, and what had she done? Messed it up, as usual, just so she could find this one thing that was proving to be so much more difficult than she'd anticipated. And the longer she stayed here, the worse her life became. She needed this.

"Um...do you need any help?"

Rowen snapped her head in the direction of the timid voice, her surprise not visible on her face . Evan was looking at her, seeming nervous but genuine.

"You're offering to help me?" She asked, doubt seeping into her voice.

"Yeah, I mean, if you need it."

Rowen tilted her head slightly, trying to figure out why he was being so kind to her when all she'd ever done was cause him pain. "Why?"

Evan hesitated, thinking about it for a moment. "I feel sorry for you."

"You do?"

"Well, yeah. I mean...I sort of went through your things after you were apprehended, and...I found out about Jake and Willow and...your childhood."

Rowen looked down.

"Christina's your sister, isn't she?" He inquired, and she found herself only able to answer by nodding. "I can't imagine what it must have been like. To have to grow up...with all that."

"It could have been worse." Rowen said softly, feeling tears beginning to well. She closed her eyes to prevent them from spilling.

"I honestly can't think of anything worse."

"You found Asha." Rowen realized, changing the subject before the memories took over, before they swallowed her in the suffering they brought. Asha referred to her loyal King Charles Spaniel, given to her by her husband, who was probably the only reason she'd survived as long as she had. The name Asha meant 'hope', and she knew she would have given up long ago if she hadn't been given that tiny spark in her life of darkness.

"Yeah. I wanted to give her back sooner, but...they wouldn't let me."

"Thank you." Rowen said. She wanted to say so much more, but didn't know how to voice her feelings whilst still retaining her composure.