Somnia Moon

Chapter 7: Always Alone

The page felt smooth, soft yet slightly worn as Rowen gently lifted it, laying it to rest on the opposite side of the book without physically touching it. Her eyes skimmed over the black ink smeared across the page, searching, reading just enough to develop an understanding of the content, but not enough for it to eat up a significant amount of time. Lilos located, tides turned due to shape-shifting abilities, attacking the Agnor base...nothing. She turned the page. Downfall of the Agnor, suspected that Agnor operated as part of a Hive Mind, the disappearance of General Imogen Deflar...nothing. She turned the page. Read it. Nothing. Turn. Read. Nothing.

It was unimaginably frustrating, but she batted the annoyance away, pushing it deep inside her mind where it was unable to harm her, and focused all of her attention on reading. She had to stay patient. She would find what she was looking for eventually; stay focused.

Turn. Read. Nothing. Turn. Read –

Rowen looked up suddenly, sensing movement. Her power worked almost like a sixth sense; she could see everything around her, all the time, even when she wasn't necessarily looking. At the back of her mind, the entire area was completely visible, like a three dimensional map that was constantly being updated as the environment around her changed. If she focused on specific objects, she could feel their texture, feel every edge, corner, curve as clearly as if she were holding it, and one step further – she could bypass any walls and see inside the object, see rooms beyond closed doors. When she manipulated these objects, it felt almost exactly like it would if she were moving them with her hands, the only difference being that she could lift items a hundred times heavier than usually possible.

It was due to this ability that she could see the woman confidently striding down the corridor from the second she'd entered the building. Rowen recognised her instantly. She'd seen her yesterday, but hadn't approached her because she just couldn't face all those emotions again. But now it looked like she would have to.

Fear spiked inside her. She tried to push it away, but couldn't. She was being ridiculous. She didn't need to be afraid of her older sister anymore. She could easily defend herself. She knew this. And yet, all traces of logic were completely submerged by the overwhelming waterfall of emotions that crashed into her, and before Christina had even got half way down the corridor, she was hyperventilating, tears in her tormented eyes, memories playing in her mind like a distorted, torturous video. She couldn't breathe. Pain inexplicably jabbed at her lower abdomen. The room around her began to shimmer, and she closed her eyes, digging her hand into the corner of the desk and focusing on the pain to keep her in reality. She couldn't do this. She couldn't see her sister again. She'd spent so long trying to overcome all that pain, but now it was like all of that work had been for nothing. No matter how hard she tried, she would always be forced to relive the depraved torment that consistently suffocated her. What was the point in fighting when she knew she would lose? Why did she even bother trying? There was no point to her existence; every aspect of her life revolved around pain, whether it be her own, or the pain she inflicted on others. It would be better for everyone if she was dead.

No. She couldn't let herself believe that. She did have a purpose, a clear goal that was more important than anything in the entire universe, something that powered her heart, her soul. So she couldn't give up. She could do this.

Hands shaking, Rowen wiped the tears away from her eyes, took a deep breath, and drained all emotion from her almost innocent face.

Despite being completely prepared, the knock still startled her, and she almost began panicking all over again. But she forced herself to remain composed, standing and walking over to the door. It didn't even occur to her to use magic.

Her hand rested on the door handle. She could do this. She had nothing to be afraid of. If she needed to, she could kill Christina in seconds. But she knew that she wouldn't. She'd never been able to hurt her sister, no matter how badly Christina had hurt her.