F*** Cancer, This One Did Us All In.

26

  Amelia, Mfundo and I were walking together, completely bored. It was still the morning, but we had literally nothing to do. Even though it was dangerous, the Outside was at least exciting. (Oh my god, I can't believe I just said that.) We were all silent and walking along the front of the hospital.

  "Hey guys, do you know what this is?" I asked them, a sly smile growing on my face.

  "What?" Amelia asked.

  "Awkward silence!" I waved my hands about and smiled widely. We all laughed for a moment, before the silence settled in.

  "I don't want to stay here anymore." Amelia suddenly said.

  Both Mfundo and I stared at her, utterly flabbershocked.

  "What?" Mfundo asked for the both of us.

  She shook her head and I could see her face tightened in pain.

  "I don't – I can't stay here. Not with Daniel. Not like this. We don't fit in here. These people, Kiara and Linda and Jacob, they know each other. They're comfortable with each other. Five days we've been here and we still don't fit here." She turned on the two of us and said, "Don't you want to find your family, Theodore? Mfundo, don't you want to find your mom?"

  I felt a fire rise in my chest as I said, "Of course we want to. Amelia, the only reason we're here is because of you. You found your family –"

  "No I didn't." She said and crossed her arms in an angry huff. "I didn't find any family I recognise."

  "Amelia," Mfundo said. "Even then, we don't know what we're going to do if we leave. Where are we going to go? Do you know? These past few days have given me time to think and, if we just run back to the Outside without a plan in mind we are going to die."

  "I have an idea on where we can go." Amelia said.

  "Anyways," I said, "we can't just leave your brother. He may not be your recognisable family, but he's still your family."

  "He's not my only family!" Amelia yelled. "There's my mom and my dad. They're also still out there. Or have you two forgotten about them?" 

  I didn't say anything. And before you ask, no I hadn't forgotten about them. I had just, you know, decided to not remember them these past few days. I've had a lot on my mind. Don't blame me.

  "Amelia," Mfundo softly said. "Anyways, I thought you guys would have agreed with me. I just want to leave before something bad happens to any of us. Don't you want to leave?"

  Well now, it wasn't like we didn't want to leave. It was just complicated.

  How was it complicated, Theodore?

  Yeah, I had no idea how. That was the complicated part. It was just, as much as I wanted to find my family, I also didn't want to leave this safety bubble the hospital gave us. It was the first time I had felt safe since we had run from Mrs Hobkins (skull splattered across the pavement) and I just wanted to simmer in the safety for a while longer before searching for my family. I didn't want to feel that way, I swear, I felt so guilty for it, but I didn't know what to do. It was – complicated.

  Don't speak out. Don't react. Don't speak out. Don't react.

  "I –" I began but was saved from continuing my sentence by the sudden appearance of Annie and Pierre.