My body was awake around 6:45 am so I couldn’t help but get up get dressed and take a walk to the Starbucks down the street from the hotel.
I needed to get away from Gerard for a bit, it also avoids him getting weirded out by seeing me in my PJs.
I was sitting at a table watching the early birds walk down Hollywood & Vine, and wondering where my life was going to go now that after this tour I would no longer be a piece of weird furniture in the guy’s tour life.
If I even could be open to love even though I was idiotically in love with someone who doesn’t even see me and probably never will.
I headed back after consuming my second intake of coffee contemplating my life and my heart. The elevator doors opened to a messy Gerard with a relived look on his face.
“Oh thank god there you are.”
“You okay?”
“Am I okay? Are you okay?! I woke up and wanted to see if you wanted to eat out for breakfast and your bed was empty, where were you?”
“I went to go get coffee, I just needed to clear my head.”
“Clear your head?”
“Yeah.”
“Anything I can help with?”
“Not really thanks for the offer though.”
“Anytime.”
Our original plan of spending a long weekend there turned into a week and a half in Los Angeles exploring our favorite places.
Record stores, comic shops, coffee places, and the usual touristy things because those were my absolute favorite things to do.
“Come on Sawyer Ripley’s believe it or not?”
“Oh no Gee you promised whatever I wanted so it’s either this or one of those ultimate cheesy Hollywood tours.”
“I’ll get the tickets.”
“Thank you!”
I marveled at the all unbelievable things people were capable of doing, from long finger nails to creating art with lite brights, it was all marvelous.
But as always Gerard was always spotted at least once on one of these outtings…
“OH MY GOSH YOU’RE GERARD WAY!”
“ha ha yeah I am.”
I would always stand aside because Gerard did appreciate his fans and he never let them down.
So I stood aside while he signed autographs and took pictures and chatted a bit with them. I excused myself and told him I would meet him in the back. He surprised me by grabbing onto my hand and whispered, “Sawyer stay I’m almost done.”
Its moments like these that make my heart skip a beat and then remember that he will never be mine.
We ended up at a little coffee shop for a coffee break/lunch….
“I think we should go home now.”
“What? Why? Aren’t you having a good time?
“Of course I am Gee but we are supposed to be back by now packing for the tour and not in the middle of Los Angeles.”
“Sawyer come on can’t we just stay a bit longer?”
“I would love to but we have to get back to the real world.”
“I suppose.”
I could stay here with him forever.
We finally got on a plane back to Jersey, he took a nap so he wouldn’t freak out another small child.
He shifted around his seat and leaned on my shoulder like he always does.
I didn’t think anything of it; it was natural for him to do this.
He had this funny habit of talking in his sleep; I noticed it when he would pass out stone cold drunk on my bed leaving me to sleep on my couch.
“stay….please…I-stay with me….please don’t leave me….”
I kissed his forehead to comfort him.
“Stay with me …please.”
“Hey sleepy head…you ok?”
He stirred awake.
“Sawyer?”
“Yeah it’s me, you okay?”
“Was I talking again?”
“Yes.”
“Oh anything embarrassing?”
“No nothing important.”
When we landed it was like touching base on reality when I know he wasn’t for me and he wanted to be someone else’s.
The cab dropped us off at my apartment and he went straight for my couch.
It was time to cut the strings…
“Gee remember the conversation we had before we left?”
“Don’t remind me.”
“Gerard Arthur Way.”
“Sawyer Marion Bellrose don’t make me do this…”
“It’s time and you know it.”
“I will always need you don’t make me…please.”
“Gerard give me the key.”
“No way in hell, you are stuck with me and that’s it drop it.”
“Gerard, once you are with Lindsey aren’t going to need me, you won’t even notice me, you will forever be wrapped up in your love for her and that’s okay, but how will you ever going to explain to her that you have a key to another girl’s place?”
He stilled and removed the pillow from his face.
“What you think I am just going to forget you? What do you think I am a monster?! That just forgets his friends whenever he gets a girlfriend?!”
“Watch your volume, I know you well enough Gerard to know your habits you say this now but I know what’s going to happen. Give me my key and please go back to your place I want to be left alone.”
I walked to my room and shut the door and heard the door slam shut.
Cut the ties and save my heart, that’s all I was trying to do.
I walked out to find my living room vacant….and his key to my place on my kitchen table.
It hurt more than I thought it would.
xx
Note:
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=114830787
ps.
all the song titles....song lyrics...a mini playlist from me to you.
enjoy
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Stay with Me
Fanfic"And would you stay right here then I'll tell you that someone out there loves you?" After everything that I had been put through I never thought I would do what I did. He is, I mean was everything to me. But his eyes never looked my way. Why wou...
