Meaningless words He will never hear

~I am happy~

~I am Happy I say,
I repeat this to myself like a mantra
A lifeline
I say these words with desperation laced on my plump pink lips
My lips grasping on to these words
Praying for them to be more than empty promises

I am Happy I say,
As I look in the mirror tears cascading down my soft cocoa eyes
My plain eyes
My eyes no longer so soft but filled with anger
With hatred
And fear
Towards this person standing in the mirror
A stranger

I am Happy I say,
I say these meaningless words like a soft prayer
Slowly seeping through my lips falling over my tongue
As if it's a reflex
These words are now second nature to me

I say I am Happy but I don't really know what that means anymore ~