Fading Out

Chapter 10

A lot of things go through my mind as I think about all that she had said. What she had gone through was definitely unfair. All she had wished for was to be close to those she still cared for but had ended up all alone with her metaphorical ghosts of the past haunting every moment of her existence. And now she was dying.

For some unknown reason, I didn’t like it at all. No, not liking is such a small and insignificant expression. It was crushing me. She seemed like a good person and didn’t deserve to fade out of existence. “Daisy, did you ever see that reaper again anywhere?” I finally break the silence and Daisy looks up at me. Before she can even respond though, she once again disappears from my sight and alarm fills me. If she is losing control over her form only after a century, what will happen to her once she reaches her final days? She needs to leave before that.

At the back of my mind though, I can’t help but remember the scared look that Daisy had given me. It was as if she was scared of what I was going to think about her. I am a hypocrite – everyone is – but even I can’t condemn her for her actions that I would have done as well. And what did she do wrong anyway? She only chose her family and friends instead of leaving it all and just starting over. That would have been kind of cruel. And Daisy had just showed me that she wasn’t cruel, just human. And being human wasn’t a crime in any world.

 Her words shake me out of my inner thoughts. “No. The reaper never showed up and he didn’t have a reason to either. Once George left with his family, there was no one alive left in the house. There hasn’t been a death in here ever since.” She takes a small breath – does she really need it or is it just another comforting human habit she still remembers? – before continuing. “And I sought him in the later years too when I felt prepared to leave. I often resided in other people’s house where someone seemed to be on the deathbed. The reaper came and took the dying person’s soul but never revealed its own presence to me. By the eighth time, I had stopped looking for him as well. I had accepted that redemption just wasn’t meant for me anymore.” I am instantly flooded by the urge to comfort her when she finishes speaking with sadness clear in her voice. What is happening to me? Why do I suddenly care so much for every negative feeling she has?  My mind instantly presents with a shocking answer. You care about her. You might have feelings for her.

Externally, I remain silent all this time. Internally, I am reeling away from this realization in shock and disbelief. How can I be in love with a dead ghost girl? It is so … impossible! My mind has an answer to this as well. Can’t you see this? You care about what she feels. You are ready to stand for her when she feels alone. You don’t even find the idea repulsive or something similar because you don’t really mind it. Is it really that hard to believe that you saw the girl and not the ghost once you overcame your fear? I absently note that my own mind responds to me as a different person and that it is quite mind-boggling. Everything is, really. But it is honest. I don’t find the idea repulsive. It just has no future and would only bring pain. Another part of me realizes that the silence has gone on too long and Daisy must be getting confused by my sudden silence without knowing the reason behind it. I should probably break it. “What was your favourite colour?” I ask and immediately curse myself. Of all the possible things to ask, why did I ask her that? My mind is again quick to respond. Because you wanted to know.

“Why do you want to know that? That question isn’t relevant to what we have talked about so far.” She points out. There is a moment of silence between the two of us in which I try to come up with a neutral apology before she responds, “My favourite colour is green. Specifically the light green. Just like how Samuel’s were.” She abruptly stops speaking and I wonder if I accidentally caused her pain. Just as I open my eyes to apologize, she continues. “Sorry for that abrupt stop. I was just taken back in memories. You know Nick, despite your initial reasons for coming over to my house, I am glad of your presence. You are the first person with whom I have shared so much and I am glad I had this chance to share.”