Fading Out

Chapter 12

Nick’s POV

It hurt to smile as she nodded at the idea of continuing the 'pretend-date'. She had not realized that her words had ultimately failed to make the intended impact. I didn't want us to keep arguing, not when every word she spoke tore through me. I loved her but she didn't want to believe in me.

Would I have thought like her if our positions were reversed? Most likely. Definitely. And that was the only reason I chose to back down now. She would only accept my feelings if she shared them as well and with this pretend-date, I had a chance of convincing her that my feelings are real. Because you can't truly argue for something if you don't believe in it yourself. And so, though I bled inside, I knew what I had to do. A simple task but a daunting one as well.

I have to win her heart.

Metaphorically, of course. Because, she's dead. For some reason a part of my mind points out and I scold at it so harshly that I am momentarily scared of myself. What am I turning into?  That same part responds one last time at me. Lovesick idiot.

I ignore that response mostly and focus on the surroundings while trying to figure out what to do now. Because you know a date is terrible when all you can think of is looking around and thinking of what to do next. And then I remember the plan. Of course! It's movie time. Then looking around, I wonder, how do I pull this off?

The answer comes to me instantaneously and though the idea would require quite a lot of creative effort, much more than I suppose I have, but I know it's perfect. "Come on, Daisy, it's time for a movie. So tell me, what kind of a movie do you want to watch?" The smile I have on my face is undoubtedly so big that it feels creepy even to me. I tone it down as I see her look around in confusion, wondering how we would be watching one.

"Um… how?" She asks and her confused voice with the puzzled expression is just so cute that I can't help but laugh. She scrunches her nose and it is even more adorable. That annoying part of me points out that there are thousands of things that are going wrong. She's a ghost. I'm a human. We shouldn't be on a pretend-date. We shouldn't be friends. In fact, there shouldn't be a 'we' at all. I tell that part to shut up as she now glares at me. "Why are you laughing at me? How are we going to see a movie here? Have you lost your marbles?"

I hold out a hand while I let my laughter die out. Seeing her eyes narrow when it doesn't end quickly enough for her makes it just worse for me and I have to turn away from her by the time I'm done. God, if she wasn't only so resistant to my feelings, I would have kissed her. "Girl," I begin in a serious tone. The chuckle that breaks through kind of shatters the illusion I was trying to create and I have to start again. "Girl, sometimes the actors don't do justice to the role enough. So, why not let's just imagine people we would like to be in 'our' movie? Just close your eyes, listen to my voice, feel it all play out… and don't fall asleep!" Another round of laughter bursts through while she glares at me. If she's messing with my emotions in revenge, then it's worth it. Because although she might think me crazy for laughing after those serious declarations, this is a part of me. The 'trying to be the funny one' part of my personality I torment only a few people with. And she doesn't know, so she doesn't understand, that how special she is to me now. After this one dies down, I ask her again. "So what kind of movie you want?"

"Surprise me." She responds in an annoyed tone and I barely control my laughter that rises again. She probably doesn't realize this but she's putting lots of trust in me for someone who doesn't care about me more than as a friend. You don't let anyone, even a friend, this much power after being a recluse for so long. She takes her seat on the blanket and using my jacket, I make a pillow for her to lay her head on. I try to hide the shiver from the cold from her but she sees it and ignores it because she is still angry at me.