Fading Out

Chapter 16

Nick POV

Well that could have been handled better. I commented mentally and then began to climb the stairs. Part of me wanted to stomp on them for the pain they had inflicted but I resisted in fear of having them collapse under me. "Daisy, at least hear me out." I call out before realizing that I don't exactly have anything to convince her with. All that I have has already been used in getting in. And I don't really think I have something new to pull it off.

I get to the top of the stairs but pause before knocking. My mind is running rampant with reasons why I shouldn't knock on the door and let her keep the ring. After all, it is the reason for her hope and that truth overpowers the possibility of it being her prison as well.

And then a new thought sneaks in. Do I really want her to go away? My mouth drops open as this thought summons the near-instantaneous response of a shouted mental 'NO!' If I can't even convince myself that she needs to leave, how will I ever convince her?

The watch then chimes and I see that it is three in the morning now. Speak something, the still sane part of me – or is it insane? – urges me. This will give you some time to think of something. There's no reason to be sure that her game still won't lock you within once it is morning.

"Daisy," I start softly. "I understand how you feel, though probably not to the extent you do. I think we both made it pretty clear that we have feelings towards each other. We both said that we loved each other and those are some pretty powerful claims to make since we haven't even known for longer than this night so far and even then, we have spent some of it under the influence of other contradictory feelings." I take a breath and wish under my breath that I get this next part out correctly.

"I don't know if these claims we made are real or just elaborations on our liking for each other. I would like to believe that these are real. But what I do know is that, as much as I want otherwise, we don't have more than the present to have each other. You ran, Daisy, because you don't want to lose the sole reason of your hope. But did you think of me? Of what I am going through right now? It isn't easy to even think of letting you go and here I have to try to convince you to leave while I still haven't really accepted it." My eyes go wide and my words stop as I realize what I just said. Idiot, that is not helpful at all!

"Maybe we would have been perfect," I change the subject immediately so as to take away her focus from my own denial at letting her go. "Or maybe we wouldn't have lasted a day. But there is no way to know. After all, you being dead kind of makes it hard to have a meaningful relationship. I would have loved you like I do now but there would always be a fear in my mind of losing you one day permanently. You would have cared for me too but it would still be possible that you might someday begin to wonder if I stayed with you not out of love but pity. We would have been perfect on the outside while hurting each other inside." My mood turns downward as my mind begins to scream again at the nonsense I am yelling. "You cannot know Daisy how much I wish I had been born in your time. Perhaps then we would have been together in life."

"Perhaps..." Daisy's voice comes from the other side of the door and I realize that I am no longer standing with my hand stuck mid-air. Instead I am sitting on the dusty ground with my back to the door and from the sound, it seems she is too on the other side. Her voice is still scratchy as she continues. "But you wouldn't have fit in my world. There's a lot that makes you stand out. And isn't that a bitter truth? We want to be together, if not for ever then at least until we were good for each other, but neither of us belong in other's world." She pauses and we are both quiet for a moment before she continues. "Or perhaps, you were indeed born in my time. And we did have feelings for each other. But we never spoke the words of declaration to each other."