Since You Left | Joe Sugg x Reader

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

When I enter the party again, the music has stopped and everyone is silent except for the vicious shouting coming from the dance floor. And I immediately recognise the voice. I push my way through and stop in complete shock when I witness what's in front of me. Joe, looking at Oli as if he resents him, he looks as if he's about to punch him and I'm right at that assumption. Joe swings for him but Marcus jumps in before it's possible, dragging Joe away. Oli just sits, quiet and guilty.

"Hope you're happy with yourself." Marcus bitterly growls as he passes me, Joe looking at me with wide eyes when he sees me but not speaking a word. I stand there, unable to speak or even move. My arms stick to my sides and my head is fixed on the place Joe was previously stood. Everyone looks at me when they realise I've come back in, some being angry, some being shocked and other just confused. A lot of people leave after this but some stick, probably feeling too awkward to leave. Oli and I have stayed in the same place though, looking in the exact same spot. Eventually, our eyes meet, both tear filled but refusing to spill. I sniffle it away and walk over to him, it was never his fault.

"Oli." I start. "I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" He suddenly asks, completely back to normal, as if the alcohol is nonexistent.

"Because I initiated that kiss and without that kiss, none of this would be happening." I sigh.

"Actually, we both initiated that kiss and you stopped it. If anything, I should be apologising."

"No, Oli. That really doesn't matter, I've ruined your friendship."

"Don't say that."

"It's true." I simply say. "I have to go, bye."

I leave the room, going down the stairs and stepping out into the frosty night. I can't handle that party any longer. The car park is almost empty, it's abandoned of people other than one lonely looking guy sat on the steps across from me. I can tell who it is, even through the shadows. It's Joe. He hasn't seen me yet but he's the only thing I can focus on. He's looking down, he does that when he cries, I've only seen him cry once and that was when we watched a movie with a sad ending. He tried hiding it but I could instantly tell. I know I should probably leave him be, not irritate him more but something tells me I should be with him, something tells me that we need to talk. And after that, I feel like now is better than ever. Breathing in deeply and then letting it out, I walk over with all the confidence I can possibly fake. He looks up as soon as he hears the tapping of feet against the concrete. I sigh when I see him, I was right, his cheeks are tear stained. His eyes are puffy and full of sadness. I sit beside him, unsure of what to do with myself or what to say. Honestly, I want to cuddle him, I want to kiss him, offer him all of my comfort but I wouldn't know how he'd react and that's just not how life works. It's not all about kissing and making up. It's always a bumpy road.

"Can I ask you a question?" Joe suddenly asks, sniffling his nose and turning to me. I nod awkwardly. "Why Oli?" I'm baffled at his question, I attempt an answer but all that happens is my mouth opens and closes.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Don't worry about apologies. I just want to know why."

"I don't know, Joe. I really don't." I sigh. "He was there for me after what happened between us. He was the only one I could completely talk to."

"Okay." Joe sighs. "Look, I don't want to argue about this."

"Neither do I." I smile but it's so weak it barely exists.

"I thought Oli was my best friend." Joe mumbles.

"He is," I tell him. "It was silly anyway, it lasted for a moment before we realised how wrong it was."

"Why would it be wrong?" He asks, catching me off guard.

...

"Because I still love you, Joe." Joe widens his eyes, looking me exactly in the eye and for a moment I swear I saw some colour come back into them.

"I need to go." Joe instantly says, getting up and walking off, leaving me in a silent mess as I question my entire existence.

I stay sat in the same position, staring at the floor for a few minutes before just getting up and walking home. As I step into my flat and close the door, I immediately let out all the tears, probably the amount equivalent to the pacific ocean. This is the first time I've properly cried, the first time I've felt myself fully allowing all the emotions to crumble out. I fall to the ground, rolling into a ball and banging on the floor. I stay like this for longer than I can imagine, it get's to a point where I question if I could possibly cry anymore. But I truly can.