Broken

Chapter Five

Tamara's POV

   I've had nightmares for as long as I can remember. I will never truly escape my past; it will always haunt my dreams. I try not to let them get me down, but, sometimes they are so real that I can't help but dwell upon the happenings of my past. I remember everything like it was only yesterday. All the pain, sadness, hurt. It kills me to remember, although I wouldn't be the person I am today if all of those horrific things hadn't of occurred in my life.

   Last night, however, my dreams were not haunted by my past, but by the face of Taylor. My mate. It was the third night in a row I had dreamt about him. I just wanted to forget about his existence. I didn't want a mate. I had when I was younger, the thought of finding my mate was the only thing that was keeping me going at one point. The only thing was, now that I had found my mate, I realised I didn't want one. I couldn't deal with the rejection I was bound to receive when my mate discovered I was worthless, when he discovered that I was nothing more than a filthy rogue.

   I pulled the blanket from over my head and got up off of the floor. I stretched my stiff and aching joints before going into the bathroom. I stood in front of the cracked, green tinged mirror which hung at a questionable angle over the sink. The reflection showed a girl with midnight black hair and vibrant violet eyes. Her skin was as white as fresh snow. She looked unhealthy though. Of course, the reflection was of myself, but it was hard to believe it. It had been a long time since I had looked in a mirror a properly. I looked ten times worse than I had the last time.

   My eye was still black and the cut in my head wasn't yet healed. Both injuries should have healed within a matter of seconds, but because of my lack of food, my body wasn't responding as it should. As a werewolf, my healing should be fast and my temperature should run higher than that of a human. none of my injuries from the previous day had healed and at present I was shivering because of how cold I was. My teeth were chattering and my knees were shaking. Yes, my body was seriously fucked up right now.

   It was Monday morning. It was supposed to be my first day at school, but I just couldn't face it. I knew he would be there and I couldn't trust myself around him. I would be able to ignore him without a doubt but my wolf was a whole other matter. I would not be able to keep her under control around her mate. She wanted him and there would be nothing I could do to stop her if she decided she wanted to jump his bones. Why did my mate have to find me? I didn't need nor want a mate.

You do need a mate, my wolf growled at me. You deserve to be taken care of. Anyway, did you see his abs?

   My wolf, ever helpful, decided to give her opinion on the situation. She stayed with me through everything I've been through, she could have left me when things got tough, if she got fed up of my terrible life, but she stuck by me. Sometimes I don't value her insights as much as I used to. Honestly, she annoys me most of the time nowadays but I love having her with me. It makes living alone a lot less lonely.

   "I do not need a mate; I can take care of my myself," I informed my wolf, speaking aloud to convince myself.

You know that's not true. You want our mate as much as I do, my wolf taunted.

"I. Do. Not," I snapped, spitting out each words with disgust. My eyes welled with tears before a few escaped and silently slid down my cheeks.

   I went back into my bedroom and got back into "bed". I closed my eyes and slowly faded into sleep.