If you ever thought being the second to the throne of Strudeltopia would have it’s cons you’d be dead fucking wrong. I’ve had the best time of my life being the Strudel King, second to the throne, as mentioned before. First King got stabbed the fuck to death by the fucking Poptart King LaStrawberry with a microwave cord. A tragic and fucked up death if I do say so myself. This deed did not go unpunished though since Hans fucked that bitch up and slit the assholes throat. How badass is that? I’m more than happy to be a Lord side by side to such a boss ass bitch.
More about me though, most people of the Strudel Kingdom refer to me as Lord Dave. I’d like to say I rule the kingdom with an iron fist but Hans usually is the one keeping everyone in check. I just kind of walk behind her and kick people that fall out of line. Literally. The citizens of Strudeltopia live in fear of my iron spiked boot that has been shoved up a few strudel fine choice asses. I spend most of my days in the Strudel Castle hosting parties and getting 420 Strudel blazed. I try to keep serious when the time is needed but as said before, Hans usually takes care of the dirty work. I’d rather sit back and watch as she burns those tart bastard house's to the fucking ground.
Well would you look at the time, 4:19. I better go and do important Kingdom stuff now.
Your Lord and King,
Did I mention Lord,
Dave
