Hello, motherfuckers. I'm the Dark Child (Rose) of the Overlord Hans. I just call her mom, obviously. Well, let me give you little shits a rundown of this place. There's my mother, Hans. She is a German, bad ass motherfucker. She once burned down thirty Poptart villages in one hour. She doesn't stand for punk bitches. Once a Brown Sugar Man begged for his life, but, feeling no pity at all, she fed him to the Strudel hounds. I love my mother. She's my one and only role model. I want to be just like her.
Well, I have a lot of close people in this kingdom. I have the Snapchat Queen and the Queen of Hell and their assistants. Mom won't let me go near the assistants. I don't know why, but hey, as long as I'm slaying them Poptart motherfuckers at the end of the day, I'm good. Back to my friends. The Snapchat Queen helps me slaughter and torture the Poptarts. I once impaled a Poptart and roasted it slowly for my strudel hound, Alex. Now, the Queen of Hell helps me use and convert the Poptart children into slaves and servants. My friends are the best. This my main job, torture and killing. I don't know anything else. I just murder and have the urge to burn all Poptarts.
You guys are probably wondering why we hate the Poptarts so much. Well, long ago in the early times of Strudeltopia, my mother and father lived happily together. My father's name was Frosted Strudel. He was beautiful, from his light, pastry like exterior, to his chocolate eyes. He was beloved throughout the kingdom. One day, while my mother and father were baking more Strudels in the giant kitchen in the castle, the Poptart king, LaStrawberry, busted in and impaled my father with a microwave cord. My father fell to the ground bleeding his red, delicious, jam blood. My mother cried in agony and anger. In a grief induced state, she grabbed LaStrawberry and slit his throat with just her nails. Did I mention she was pregnant when she killed this motherfucker? Go mom! Anyway, we haven't been able to build a stable relationship with the Poptarts ever since. Those punk ass bitches will never be trusted.
Dark Child out.
