Occasional, when strangers wonder into Strudeltopia, they are put in front of the Council. We determine their fate, if they burn or live or are set free. The person is allowed to testify, decide which side they want. Essentially, Strudel or Death.
Well, one day, this one traveler wandered into Strudeltopia, half alive and speaking only in text speak. We fed her and soon found out her name was Kayla.
The Council's meeting went as such: "OMFG. What is this place? Who the fuck is Hans?" Said the lost traveler, Kayla.
"How dare you question Hans, Kayla? He will turn the frosting of the strudel red with your blood," yelled the Snapchat Queen.
"I think I'm moving to China, getting a face job to look like all the others, and she was never me!" Kayla replied as she laughs evilly.
"The powerful overlord Hans knows all. There is no hiding, Kayla," remarked the Snapchat Queen.
Suddenly, the Queen of Hell chimed in with, "SHE WILL ALWAYS KNOW, OKAY, MY GREAT AUNT SISTERS NEICES UNCLES STEP COUSINS SONS FIRST GRANDMAN HAD HER HOUSE BURNED DOWN BY HANS BECAUSE SHE DOUBTED HER AND SHE EVEN CHANGED GENDERS TO TRY AND ESCAPE, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND, YOU CANNOT ESCAPE. HANS IS DEFINITE. HANS IS FINAL."
Kayla gives everyone on the Council weird looks and says, "OMFG. WTF!!! I think you guys have too much free time...and why are you guys always talking about Hans Solo he doesn't have anything to do with toaster pastries lmao and I thought I was weird lmao."
The entire Council gave each other the same 500% done look. Luci leans foward a bit in her chair and says, "Kayla, no. It's just Hans and it isn't free time. It's Strudel time."
"Yea Hans Solo. I have no idea of any other Hans." Retorted the stupid traveler.
"Ignorant human. Hans is the toaster strudel overlord. He has, nor ever will, have anything to do with Star Wars. Jesus Christ, Kayla. I bet you prefer Poptarts, don't you?" Asked the Snapchat Queen.
"Ohhhhhhhh I feel stupid," said the traveler who we just decided was a teenager that fell from Earth down to Strudeltopia.
Just then, the Dark Child of Hans accidentally wandered into the Council room, looking for the bathroom, but finding us instead. She looked around and begged the question of, "What the Hell did I just walk into?"
Everyone kind of ignored the child while the Snapchat Queen leaned closer to Luci and whispered, "This one worships the Poptart. I can tell. We shall alert the burning committee. Burn the nonbeliever friends. BURN HER!"
Luci nods and turns to face the confused traveler. Lucifer shouts, "BURN."
Hans, with her many levels of Grace, swiftly stood up and flashed over to where Kayla stood. Hans leaned in startling close to the peasant's ear and said, "I will burn your house down. I am Hans."
Kayla's eyes nearly bulged out of her head as she slowly drifted away from Hans. When she was standing as far away as she could get she said, "OMFG. I don't think I want to be seen with any of you lmao. SHUN THE BURNING CREW! SHUN THEM!"
Hans flashed back over to her side and started chanting, "One of us," over and over periodically getting louder each time.
The Snapchat Queen had a brief moment of weakness. For a moment she thought that maybe the traveler shouldn't be burned. She leaned away from the back of her chair. "Hans, I'm not so sure Kayla should be burned. Maybe we should recruit her instead. Unless recruitment is impossible. Then burn her."
The Dark Child of Hans had murder on her mind. You could see it in her eyes. She was quite a frightening sight. This is why we never invited her to these meetings. She would only want to burn the travelers.
"WTF I can't even lmao," said Kayla.
Hans suddenly appeared back in her seat and regally said, "there is always room for another strudel in the toaster."
Lucifer gave the powerful lord a questioning look. "But she questioned your authority. And mistook you for a Star Wars character," said the queen angrily.
"I question whether you guys are sane or not!! Lmao," replied the now completely annoying traveler.
The Dark Child moved from her place on the wall over to her mother's side. She looked at her mother and said, "I will not set her ablaze if the entire council doesn't agree with it." Hans nodded at this statement and patted her child on the head.
The Snapchat Queen stood up and asked the traveler, "who do you swear allegiance to? Hans or that disgusting Poptart lord? Remember, even if you do not tell us, Hans will know."
Hans stood up and studied the traveler. "We shall vote for your fate. But remember, I am the ultimate decider," said Hans.
Lucifer voted no, the Snapchat Queen voted yes (and was also shunned for it). Before anyone else could decide the traveler jumped in with, "I give up! I declare you all nutjobs! AS MYSELF I VOTE YOU ARE ALL INSANE!"
In response to The Snapchat Queens decision, Luci turned to her and asked, "bae. But why? Do you not appreciate my trips to Hell with you? The TNT? The warmth of a never ending inferno when you are cold? Do you wish to give this all up for a new member?"
"Luci. You are my Groupon. You follow me." Replied the Snapchat Queen to her past lover.
"My allegiance to you is never ending, though I strongly advise against a new member. Eli agrees with me," said Lucifer to the Snapchat Queen.
The strange traveler, always seeming to speak out of turn, asked, "have you guys ever been admitted to a mental hospital?! Just throwing that out there lmao."
"You are right Luci. This one has terrible grammar and communication skills. I vote for burning," said the Snapchat Queen after the traveler's last statement.
"STRUDEL OR DEATH. TAKE YOUR PICK," booms Hans.
The Dark Child yells, "sacrifice her in the microwave to Hans!"
The traveler replied, "I PERFER THE OVEN THANK YOU VERY MUCH."
"Kayla, I have decided your fate. You are a Poptart in a strudel eat strudel world. We set you free for now. Go back to your homeland."
The entire council nodded in unison to this decision.
Hans chimed in with one last part before we kicked the traveler out, "COME ROUND MAH TOWN AGAIN AND YOU'LL HAVE TO CONVERT OR DIE!"
Juan Carlos, who had been standing in the corner the entire time, grabbed Kayla by her hand, lead her out the door, and pushed her out of the seventh story window.
A couple minutes later, the King was in high as fuck. It was 4:20 after all. He went over to where his beautiful bride sat and rudely began to speak of the activities that took place last night in their bedroom. The council gave Hans a disgusted look and simultaneously wondered why Lord Dave was always high.
Dave story reminded Hans of what she had originally gathered the Council here today for, before the traveler wandered in the gates.
"I am pregnant. I did the jiggly bits with Dave and he impregnated me with his child."
The Council gasped in unison. They started clapping, unsure of what else to do.
Even though she was surrounded by joy and excitement, Hans knew this child would bring nothing but trouble in the days to come.
*okay. So hi. I'm the Snapchat Queen. Like fifteen other people are writing this story, so we'll put who's writing it in the tittle. This whole chapter was based off an Instagram post I did, where this girl named Kayla decided to question Hans. Uh. Snapchat Queen out.
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