(sequel) FANCIFUL FEAR -prinxiety-

10. I ponder of something great

hahahahahhahaahhahahahhahahahahhaha I'm sorry. Two weeks. Hahhahha.... hah........

The relief of seeing Morality as himself had been overwhelming, and its effects on Anxiety were instant. It's one hour since their friend appeared, and Prince can see that the hope hasn't been chipped away yet- or more like, Anxiety doesn't look quite as dark and gloomy as he would usually.

Just that minimal change motivates Roman to fight his way out of here. With bare hands and bare heart, if he will, in whatever way it can be done, has he the chance to. The strength to, and if he hasn't, then he better acquire it. For Morality, Logan, himself, but for Anxiety the most. 

It seems that Roman has begun to rely on negative emotions for positive support. How this came to be, he can't tell; perhaps it was when they first realised that it was only them in this coma nightmare, or perhaps it was before that. Back when Anxiety was hurting and he couldn't tell, back when he first learned of it. When he couldn't sleep because of the agonizing pain and frustration seeping through the cracks of what he'd done. When he first held Anxiety in his arms and felt further away from him than ever but also much, much closer.

He's started to realise that the fearful trait exists within all of them- that what they are to Thomas, they also are to each other, but with a smaller influence; meaning that none of them are entirely one-dimensional, but when lacking support and help from the others they are overtaken by themselves... Wait.

"What if..." Prince speaks, shattering a silence that blanketed them for the past twenty minutes. Anxiety turns his head and lifts his face, craning his neck to meet Prince's gaze. To show his confusion. Prince stares at him, affectionately yet blankly, pondering on the ideas that had suddenly come to him. It's a pretty big 'what if', one that carries the risk of being wrong and could chip away at hope if proven incorrect after being expressed. But Prince feels that the bigger risk is to not say anything and having been right.

"What if what?" Anxiety murmurs, eyes having fallen from Prince's eyes to his cheek, his jawline. The gaze is soft, calm, but only shallowly so; has there ever been a moment were Anxiety is overtaken by calm? Where he doesn't have to fight his own existence? 

Prince realises that thinking such thoughts, hurts.

"What if... I think that all of us, we reflect in each other- like, we are traits in Thomas, but from the inside, and we affect each other in the same way but from the outside. Right?" Anxiety tilts his head. Prince stares back at him, swallowing his doubts and troubles. Please don't let me be wrong if he wants me to be right. 

"I mean... Sure, maybe." Anxiety lets that idea come to him, makes room for it in his head. Morality sits silent, knees drawn up to his chest and arms embracing them. He hasn't said anything for a while and doesn't seem to be starting now, preferring to listen to the others passively. 

"And when you're not around the others a lot, or when they don't try to help or reassure you or give you ideas, they become less impactful. Like... Back then. When you were much... Much sadder, and anxious than you are now?" Speaking of older times, especially when specifically regarding the topic of Anxiety's mental state, feels like stepping around land mines. Right now he could have stepped on one, but he won't know before it detonates. 

Anxiety pushes himself away from the backrest he'd turned Prince's legs into, moving to the other side of the couch and pulling his legs up in a similar way to both Morality and Prince. Roman, free of Anxiety's body weight on his legs, lets them fall down over the cushions. 

"... That could be true." Morality finally says. "It's not... Yeah, it could... It could be like that." Anxiety nods, but he doesn't look at Prince anymore. Prince desperately wishes he could see his friend's emotions as clearly as he can the others, but Anxiety is an enigma and Prince was never that great at solving Anni's kind of riddles.

"So if we... If Logic has been left alone for so long, he'd have lost our perspectives, right? So what we need to do is... Is..." Prince feels like he's fumbling for conclusions to a half-baked idea, and hopes that his lack of a good one won't tear at Anxiety's hopes.

"What we need to do... Is get those perspectives back." Anxiety theorizes. He looks up from his black socks, looking into Prince's black pupils and looking so perfectly emotionless. Calculating, much like Logic, but he always was, at least on the outside he was. In truth he's as good of an actor as Prince is, a theatrical mastermind- self-taught. Out of necessity. "Do we just need to talk to him, then?"

"You made me remember." Morality mumbles, arms tightening around his legs. "You yelled about all of these things I used to help Thomas with, and it- I guess- I guess that's why I was created? You reminded me of why I came to be in the first place. Or something."

Prince, in the midst of Anxiety's storm, hadn't noticed how down Morality seemed. He feels some tugs at his heartstrings, only some soft chords, but it's more of a melody than Morality has ever played on him.

"You always mattered the most to him." Anxiety mumbles, clearly talking to Morality but not showing it. His eyes stay down, looking at the couch's cushions but probably seeing something else, something his mind only can express to itself. Morality though, he's staring right at Anxiety with a look in his eyes, a particular look that Prince can't really read. There is definitely something there, if not several things, but none of them are for Prince to interpret.

"Morality, he only ever cared about you." Morality's lip wavers. He begins to blink away the moisture in his eyes, because there shouldn't be that much of it but there is, and it's annoying, and he doesn't want the others to see him so weak. On some level, Anxiety and Prince are his family, people he feels responsible for, and he can't express vulnerability before them. Not when Anxiety is vulnerable and hurting, not when Prince has his arms filled with the fragile boy's troubles. He can't add to that.

"We need to remind him of you."

--- 

This is what happens when you listen to angsty kdrama soundtrack playlists (Goblin's, in this case, I recommend it a lot). Angsty softness happens. Is angsty softness a genre? I feel like I could be good in that field.

Either way, I have two 'exams' next week and two more the week after that, and even more regular tests on the days that I don't have those, but don't get me wrong. I've had loads of free time up until this point, I've just been astoundingly lazy. Sorry about that.