You and I, we just weren't created to survive (joshler) (not edited)

Chapter eleven - loveless

Hey guys, fair warning this chapter might hit a little too close to home... Cos I do write about real topics... warnings in the description, I know I've probably said this reminder a few times now - there's no violence though, so it should be all good right?

"You can run but you'll never escape."

It's midnight... or possibly 4am... Tyler isn't quite sure - he never actually went to bed. Instead, he waited until Josh got tired, waited until Josh went down the hall to bed, calling out the words "goodnight, Ty." over his shoulder in the distant, exhausted voice of someone so malnourished everything in life tires them.

Presently, he sits on a seat at the kitchen table, sipping at a glass of water he somewhat wishes was coffee, and partly wishes was a concoction of rat poison and sleeping pills. All the lights are off, including the one dangling above his head in the kitchen, so the world seems eerie, seems way to dark when the only light is the moon shining through the window across from him lazily - no thoughts cloud his mind.

His phone, which was delicately placed on the table the furthest away Tyler could possibly reach (he admits he's a little afraid of receiving another phone call), stays still at 46% charge; he forgot to charge it... or rather doesn't want to as it's like a part of him is dying, a part he doesn't want to be alive anymore.

The phone rings. His boyfriends name flashing on the too-bright screen which Tyler ignores. The phone stops ringing.

He sighs, standing up an putting his empty glass in the sink, rubbing a hand through his hair, not really meaning to dishevel it. The phone rings again, lighting up the room with an alien glow. Tyler turns around, walks to pick up the object, checks the time (6am), and turn the phone on silent for fear it might wake Josh up.

He puts it back on the table, face up, wondering why he hasn't just thrown it away, drowned it, or switched it off properly. The screen flashes. He picks up the phone. Maybe it's just the lack of sleep, but he feels afraid of not answering once more, feels like the person still controls him.

"Where are you?" The voice is loud, too loud. Tyler gulps, letting out a shaky breathe and whispering a short apology that is apparently all he needs to go off on a rant.

"You have been missing for a day! Not to mention you went out without my permission. I was worried." If it weren't for the fear coursing through his veins Tyler swears he could've laughed over how much his boyfriend sounds like a parent scolding their child.

"Take note of the word "was" because I've realised something, you are not worth my time, my effort, not worth anything. It's pathetic really." He laughs, it's sardonic. "I thought you might have finally killed yourself but no, here you are again answering my calls like an attention whore nobody will ever love." Tyler's thoughts drift to Josh as he thinks over the familiar phrase - nobody will ever love you, no one else would ever put up with you.

"Except me of course, even though I regret putting up with you almost every second." He sighs, voice morphing into a monotone yet tired emotion, "come home, where you belong, or do the world a favour and kill yourself, that way at least no one else will ever have to put up with you. I love you." The phone hangs up. He places it back on the table.

Tyler stands up on weak legs, takes in a shaky breath and wanders aimlessly into the living room, finding a worn scrap of paper and chewed up pen on the coffee table. He writes, I'm sorry, in scribbled writing, and, ignoring the mass of words left unsaid, puts on his shoes and exits Josh's home.

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