You and I, we just weren't created to survive (joshler) (not edited)

Chapter sixteen - he

This whole chapter needs a trigger warning guys

"Three lights are lit but the fourth ones out."

The blinds are shut, blocking out the sweet sounds of birds singing in the morning and cars humming as they drive past. Inside Josh's home, the bedroom, kitchen and living room lights are all on, but the bathroom light remains off, steadily handing over the head of the boy laying in the empty bathtub fully clothed and daydreaming about life's cruelties.

He is thinking too much and thinking about everything. How he could have... no, should have saved Tyler, saved him from both death and life. How he could hang himself from the dull, lifeless, light dangling above his head like a noose. How he could drop a toaster in a bathtub, overdose on pills, or perhaps even find the effort to walk all the way to a bridge just to jump off.

He realises, as he stares at the crimson seeping from his arms in slow gushes of blood, that he probably chose on of the more difficult options - there is no regret. One arm leans over the edge of the tub, a steady stream of red hatred pooling down his wrist and onto the grey tiled floor. The other sits limp in the bathtub, pooling in the palm of his hand and seeping into the drain carefully.

He wonders what a person is supposed to think and feel in moments like this. Is it regret? Disgust? Relief? Or perhaps some other unexplainable emotion Joshua cannot even begin to describe with his limited vocabulary and clouded mind. Numbness may perhaps come the closest but then you're not factoring in the physical pain that's more powerful that anything he's ever felt.

He decides, that it doesn't actually matter, that nothing matters anymore. Not that it should have probably been his eating disorder that killed him rather than this. Not that Tyler died before him. Not that Tyler's boyfriend is probably hurting and manipulating someone else right now. So, as his head lolls backward and his vision fades, he decides that, yes, this world wasn't for him, and yes, he's happy with this conclusion.

360 words

THE END

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