Sparks of Destiny

I ~ A

Ashley

I stared at the void setting in front of me. I didn't know how to explain this feeling I had. I looked up at the sky and realized it wasn't really a void. I had the moon and the stars, I had my family, my friends, but it all seemed incomplete because I didn't have that one thing I wanted so much.

I didn't have him.

I couldn't have him.

I wouldn't have him.

I checked my phone. No phone calls, no texts. What was I expecting? That he would wish me goodnight? I envied those couples tweeting each other on Twitter and uploading pictures of them together. Not that I was an envious person. I just wanted to experience it. I wanted to know what it felt like when someone would make sure you've eaten and slept enough, been taken care of and to remind you to be happy... someone who wasn't a part of my family or my friend. Someone else who would mean saying those things.

I closed the window and hung the dream catcher my friend gave me on a hook above the sill, just beside the plant that was supposedly going to bring me love, luck and prosperity. I had bought the plant with my mom. While we were walking pass some vendors and shops, a middle-aged woman came and offered us that plant. She had said it could give us good fortune among other things. I bought it because, somehow, I naively believed it could. Same with the dream catcher that was said to catch good sleep and dreams.

I lay on my bed. I knew, at least in my dreams that he could be with me. I hated reality. I hated how I could only have him every night before I sleep, when I was about to drift off into a deep sleep...

In the morning, all I ever had was heartache. Heartache knowing he was just a product of my unreachable fantasy, my awful imagination.

Reality sucks, but well, it is reality.

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