Lexa Deserved Better (clexa fic)

sen

This time, Clarke was the one to fall asleep on Lexa. Lexa knew that the girl had spent a lot more time worrying for her safety than she had resting. As she glanced down at Clarke's sleeping face, she notices how much younger and more innocent she looked when she wasn't trying to deal with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Thinking back on it, Lexa didn't actually know how old Clarke was. 

Clarke squirmed a bit and pulled Lexa's arm around her waist, burrowing herself into Lexa's side. Lexa wasn't sure whether or not she was awake yet, but she remained as still as possible just in case. Clarke blinked slowly until she could open her eyes without being blinded by the sunlight. 

"What time is it?" she yawned, scrunching up her nose. 

Lexa thought she was possibly the most adorable thing she'd ever seen. 

"A little past mid-day. Has anyone ever told you how cute you are when you wake up?"

Clarke blushed and giggled, then proceed to roll over so that she was facing Lexa. She propped herself up with her elbow and allowed her hair to cascade down her shoulders. 

"You're eyes hold so many questions..." Clarke trailed off, becoming suddenly serious.

"There's a lot I want to know about you."

"Yeah?" Clarke tilted her head to the side. "Like what?"

"How old you are," Lexa responded immediately.

"Is that all?" Clarke questioned as she raised her eyebrows.

Lexa shrugged.

"No, but it's a starting place." 

"Eighteen."

"Ha! I'm older!" Lexa said victoriously, pumping her fists in the air. "Also, I've often wondered why Skaikru sent children down to explore the earth for them."

"Well, that's complicated," Clarke answered quickly. She averted her eyes.

"How so?" Lexa looked at her curiously. "Come on, you know you can tell me anything."

"We were all criminals," Clarke said. She looked to Lexa for any sign of judgement but found none. "Well, most of us, at least. Any crime on the Ark was punishable by death, unless you were under eighteen. Then, you lived in solitary until you turned eighteen and they tried you to decide whether or not you would live." 

"Any crime?" Lexa wondered. 

"Yeah, pretty much. Murphy's dad was floated for stealing extra rations of medicine to help his son." Clarke looked pained as she thought about the horrible things that had been done when she was in space. 

"What's 'floated'?" Lexa asked, trying to distract Clarke. "I've heard many members of Skaikru use it as a replacement for killed."

"It's how people were executed. They were put into an exterior room, the airlock was opened, and they were sucked out into the cold heart of space."

Lexa frowned. She didn't like knowing that there were bodies floating up among the stars. She also wanted to know what Clarke had done on the ark, but she wanted to be respectful of Clarke's boundaries. 

"Can I ask you another thing? About your old life? This time, it's more personal."

"Shoot," Clarke shrugged. "I'll tell you anything you want to know." 

"What did you do to become a criminal?"

"They charged me with treason," Clarke spat. "After they floated my dad." 

Lexa sat up against the headboard of the bed, letting Clarke place her head into her lap. She placed her hand on Clarke's head and rubbed her thumb absently across her scalp. 

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I want to." Clarke sat up, looking into Lexa's eyes. "Can I just talk? Just, get it all out? All of it? Would you mind just listening until I'm done? Not that you ever interrupt or anything, I just need to say this all at one time."

"Of course."

"My dad found out there was something wrong with the ark," Clarke began, launching into her story.

Lexa sat and listened, just as she had promised, realizing more and more how much the girl sitting next to her had been through in just eighteen years of life. Her father's death, her lock up in solitary confinement for years, being forced to the ground, blaming her best friend for almost all of it. 

"And then I thought my mother let him die! I thought my mother turned him in!" Clarke was openingly crying now. "I took off my bracelet, I let her think I was dead because I was just so angry. How could I let my mom think her child was dead? She should have never trusted Jaha, that backstabbing traitor. This is all because of him. I don't know where the hell he is, and I hope it stays that way." 

Clarke stopped talking and buried her face into Lexa's shoulder. Lexa felt fat, wet teardrops run down her back.  

"Am I allowed to speak now?" she asked tentatively, rubbing small circles on Clarke's back. 

Clarke sniffled an affirmative response but didn't remove her face from its resting place in the crook of Lexa's neck. 

"We'll get through this," Lexa whispered. "That's all I can think of to say right now. That, and I love you. We'll get through this together, and I love you."

Clarke gave a small nod and grasped Lexa's sides even tighter, trying to pull her closer. Lexa sang quiet trigedasleng lullabies until Clarke managed to calm down and pull herself together. 

"The sun is setting," she remarked in a choked voice. 

Lexa hummed in agreement. 

"I'll have our meal brought here to us, and we can discuss the matter of Titus while we eat, if that's alright with you."

"That sounds great, actually," Clarke responded. "What's for dinner?"

"Deer," Lexa said as she licked her lips. "Marcus' specialty. It's my favorite." 

"Good to know," Clarke laughed. 

"Don't you have a favorite food?" Lexa asked. 

"Well..." Clarke thought for a second before seeming to decide on something. "You can never go wrong with a piece of 'melt in your mouth' milk chocolate." 

"Chocolate?" Lexa was puzzled. "What's that?"

"You've never had chocolate?" Clarke asked incredulously. 

"Obviously not, or I wouldn't be asking you what it was."

"Sorry, it's just, even the mountain men had chocolate! One of my biggest regrets is never trying that chocolate cake... Once Arkadia is back to the way it should be, I'm going to introduce you to arguably the best food ever."

"Looking forward to it," Lexa smiled. "But for now, we have deer, and I'm starving."