as time goes by...

Waking up.

I'm surrounded by blackness, a deep and impenetrable darkness that keep me safe from the world. its calm, peaceful. I float as the darkness wraps itself around me, but the bright light of consciousness is invading and its fighting away my darkness, the remnants of my sleep and I begin to fall. I have no control, like Alice I reach out but there is nothing there that I can grab and all of a sudden I land and it takes my breath away. the darkness is gone, replaced by an abundance of pillows and blankets.

It was a dream, it was all a dream. There's somebody asleep next to me in bed, Tessa, she likes to crawl into my bed every now and then when she cant sleep. My head is pounding but after the nightmare I just had I need to see her.
"Tessa, my love?" I whisper as I pull myself up through all of the bedding, but this doesn't feel right. this hasn't been my bedding in a while and I'm not at home. Tessa isn't next to me in the bed, as I rise from within the covers I see a full head of golden hair leaning with his head on my bed, slumped down from the arm chair next to me. Jace.

Then the realisation hits me. I'm at the Institute, meaning it wasn't a dream and my baby girl is in danger.

I quickly push off the covers waking Jace as I do so.
"What's going on? Why aren't you looking for her? Have you found her? Is she ok? Where is she?How long was I asleep?" I almost yell as I jump out of bed and quickly struggle to get into the jeans and tank top at the end of my bed, thanks Izzy.
"What the hell Clary? Why didn't you tell me we had a kid? what gives you the right to keep that from me, she's my daughter as much as she is yours and..."
"Jace! Shut up! I get it, it wasn't fair and we can talk about this later but first I want to see MY daughter, so where is she?"
there was a long pause before Jace said anything else, the tension in the room could have been sliced with a seraph blade, and the fact that he took so long to answer only put me even more on edge. either hes thinking over what I've just said or theres something he doesn't want to tell me. when he finally does speak its an inaudible murmur.

this cant be good.

"Speak up Jace, where is Tessa?"
"We don't know, " its barely over a whisper but this time I can hear him, and I cant believe what he's saying, "we tried to look for her but we know nothing about her. until you told me then I didn't even know her name, Tessa." there was a fondness in his voice already, and he hadn't even met her. she had a way of doing that, everyone instantly loves Tessa. "I tried tracking by myself, and with Alec's help, Magnus tried warlock tracking but there wasn't anything we could do until you woke up because like I said we know nothing about her, we had nothing that belonged to her and we don't even know where she went missing from. is this a Mundie thing or is it something to do with the shadow world?"
"we have to find her, please, I need you to find her. she cant get hurt, I turned away for 5 seconds, it was hardly any time and she was just gone. how can she just disappear like that. I need to find her. shes all I have. please." tears begin to stream down my face and once again it feels like my legs have been taken out from under me. I'm sat on the floor with my knees under my chin and my cheeks drenched with tears. Jace is at my side in an instant, comforting me.
"She'll be ok," he says as he strokes my unruly red hair, "we're going to find her, but you need to be strong. its been a while and I know It have but you need to summon back that kick ass shadowhunter clary. the girl that took nothing from nobody and would do anything to protect her family. that's who Tessa needs right now and so that's who you need to be." I look up at his golden eyes and its evident that he wants to cry, but he's being stong, I need to be too. He's right. I'm no use to Tessa when I'm like this, lets summon back Clarissa Fairchild, kick ass shadowhunter.