ωιηgs | #Serendipity&BOMAwards

ΡΔΓΤ 24

Namjoon starts, "Okay. I better start with depression... Yes... I am still in depression. And my whole life, I have always tried to keep time to myself, thinking that I controlled it, I never minded what anyone else wanted, I was always that guy who only wanted stuff for himself. I now realize that I don't keep up with time, time keeps up with me.

"I- When I met y'all for the first time, I wanted girls. Girls, girls, and money. All to myself. I wasn't ever gonna share. And my stage name fits me perfectly because I am a monster, and once you become a monster, you can never go back to the things that made you, you. I always thought that love was a lie. Until I met Y/N, that's when I found love, I thought it was lust, but then I came to know more about her and I now see a butterfly. And when I look in the mirror, all I see is a monster. A monster that keeps all secrets and never gives any of them away.

"I shatter mirrors with my bare hands and won't stop until I feel an ounce of happiness. But it doesn't last, that's when I feel the need to find another girl to mess around with. And when I do, I still don't find happiness. Honestly, me kissing Y/N brings me the most happiness that I've had in years and I wanna be free from freedom. I wanna get out of this noisy silence. I can't stand being like this. I'm tearing myself apart and I don't know how to handle it, sadly.

"I hope that one day, soon, I will change. But, as of right now, I'm not changing. I still have the black feathers that I constantly wanna rip off just to see them turn to a stony color, but they grow back really soon after that. I will always have these black feathers until something truly changes inside of me. And I am always busy with other things, trying to search for happiness when it's right in front of my face, staring back at me. My reflection...

"I've always thought that I'd never be anyone. And now that I am someone, sometimes, I really really hate myself. When, in all reality, I wanna love myself, I wanna know myself. And I have disappointed y'all so much. The truth is, I'm so sorry, and I love y'all more than anything in the world. So please... Love yourselves." He says, then I wrap my arm around him, hugging him. Everyone is now sniffling and comforting one another.

In no time, we all get back to normal, we all drink our coffees and then check the time; 6:45 am. "We should go now, I guess." Jin says. Everyone's expression brightens, jumping into the truck, smiling and joking around happily.

Jin drives to the place where the concert will take place, and I then realize that I haven't been here yet, so I just follow them around like a lost puppy. They walk into the door with a star and walk halfway down a long hallway. They stop at a door, opening it. I don't bother to read the sign and just walk in after them. "Y/N? Why did you come in here?" Jungkook suddenly asks. "Huh?" I ask, I finally get out of my blank thoughts and look at them. "This is the dressing room, pabo, get out. Just kidding, but seriously, wait in the hallways, we'll be out in a minute." Jimin says. "I don't want her to be alone." Namjoon says, opening the door and walking out with me.

"You know... You didn't have to come out here with me..." I mention. He shakes his head, "I don't want anything to happen to you." "Nothing is gonna happen to me though." I say. "Yeah. Well... You never know..." He says, adding, "Plus, I'm an angel, so it's best to do it like this." "Do what?" I ask, confused. "Protect you from danger and harm." He says, smiling.

I roll my eyes, I'm done debating with him. "You shouldn't roll your eyes, it shows high disrespect to your angel." He says. I lightly sigh. 'He thinks I'm going to just love him this easily for cheating on me with five other fucking girls? No. I'm sorry, but it's gonna take just a little while for me to be closer with him again.'

"Kay, Namjoon, your turn. We're gonna go to the makeup room to get Jimin's eye makeup started." J-Hope says, jokingly. "It's not my fault that I wanna be beautiful and sexy." Jimin says then laughs. "Kay, have fun, I'll be there in just a minute." Namjoon says and they wave and walk away as Namjoon closes the door.