A Second Chance

A Second Chance Part 5

I make it all the way to a little stream before I collapse and let forth a loud sob which is quickly followed by another and another. I cry until I have nothing left. Until I am empty and both my eyes and throat are sore with it.

"I am sorry," a voice says quietly behind me and I yelp a little as I jump up and spin around to see Legolas standing behind me.

"What are you apologising for?" I ask after I have given myself a moment to gather my wits.

"I was not... friendly when we met," he says after a while and I smile a little.

"Friendlier than some," I reply and he bows his head a little.

"Estel is, he is just trying to protect you," he says after a moment, almost as if he is talking out of turn by mentioning anything and I grimace a little.

"I don't think he cares enough to be worried about protecting me," I whisper and he shakes his head taking a step forward.
"He does you will see," he replies and it is my turn to shake my head a little at him but I decide not to press the matter maybe because I had to trust that he knew Aragorn better than I did and maybe because I wanted so much to believe that Aragorn was the way I had always imagined him being, the way he had been depicted in the stories I had read.

"The world you come from, it is different from this one?" he asks now clearly sensing my need to change the subject and I give him my best raised eyebrow as I settle back down on the bank and he sits beside me far too gracefully.

"About as different as it is possible to be," I reply after a moments hesitation. We sit in silence for a while and I sigh as I enjoy the peaceful sounds of nature, something that I had never been able to do at home, "you know I spent years dreaming of being here, being with all of you," I say in a barely audible whisper and I can sense him turning to look at me. "It is not quite as I imagined it to be," I finish and he furrows his brow when I glance at him.

"You knew..." he begins trailing off as if trying to formulate his words and I almost laugh at how unlike the way I had always read him to be he really was.

"Yes," I sigh, "I know everything, I know too much,"

"You must miss home?" he says now trying to change the subject and make me less uncomfortable,

"Not really," I admit and he looks at me startled and so I decide to give him a little more information, "my life wasn't... I don't really..." this is more difficult than I had imagined and I rapidly feel myself losing the will to hide things from them.
"But your family?" he pushes and I fidget a little wincing as I move my shoulder which is still a little stiff and sore.

"I am not sure you would wish me to tell you the truth," I say quietly and he moves a little closer placing a comforting hand on my arm which startles me a little.

"You cannot hide everything of yourself," he says reasonably.

"I am so tired of keeping secrets," I say in a rush my eyes welling up with tears again despite my best attempts to avoid it.

"Then don't, speak to me," his voice is gentle and calming and I feel it persuading me.

"But I am scared, what if I say the wrong thing? What if I say something that ruins everything? That changes everything?" I ask wincing as I hear the wavering in my own voice.

"Then speak only of your life, that surely cannot affect what happens here and besides it is not good for you to have no one to confide in," he smiles and I offer him a tentative smile in return.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask in a cautious whisper and he smiles more widely.

"We are to be companions on a dangerous journey I should like to know that those with me are my friends and that I can trust them and they me," he replies and I laugh a little.

"You may well be the only one that will ever even consider trusting me and that may change when you realise how useless I am with weapons," I say in defeat and although his smile falters a little he soon has it back in place.

"Give them time, men here, males here in Middle Earth we are protective of our women and it may take time for them to learn but they will,"

"And you?" I ask looking up at him and he smiles again, a smile that would have weakened my knees had I been standing and I am suddenly very glad for the fact that I am sitting.

"I learnt long ago to never underestimate a person," he says simply and I nod, "so tell me about your family," he says and I grimace as I turn back towards the water.

"They will not know I am gone and when they realise they will not care," I say morosely.

"Surely..." he begins in a shocked voice but I cut him off quickly knowing that if I didn't speak now I would never be able to say anything.

"My father was an abuser and the only time I got attention from him was when he was beating me," I break off for a minute and take a breath before continuing, "my mother is at home with her forth husband, she never wanted me and always tells me she hates me, that I ruined her life," I finish and shudder a little.

"I am sorry Finley," he says quietly after a moment and I nod not looking at him.

"It's okay besides I had my stories, when I was younger, when it was really bad before my dad left, I found stories about Middle Earth and your journey and I used to escape into my imagination, I used to dream of being here of being with you all and getting a second chance and so even if it is not as I imagined it I guess that just makes it more real because things are rarely as good as you imagine them to be and besides it will always be better than what I had,"

"Legolas," the voice startles me and I jump up spinning to see Aragorn standing behind us both.

"Hello Estel," Legolas replies turning gracefully and standing in one fluid movement.

"We are required back in council... all of us," he says looking now at me and I hastily wipe away any remnants of tears and nod at him before silently following feeling awkward and fearful and embarrassed all at once.

"You cannot honestly expect us to take a woman?" the voice is loud and angry and makes me flinch as we approach the room and hesitate before I feel a hand at my back applying a gentle pressure and I glance up and feel my face slacken in shock as I see that it is Aragorn's hand and his face is holding an odd expression of remorse and kindness that I had not expected to ever see.

"Come," he says simply in a voice I hardly recognise as the hard edge had disappeared and so I simply nod and move forwards.

"Finley there you are," Gandalf smiles, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the air around us.

"Sorry," I murmur and he simply smiles again and proceeds to needlessly introduce me to everyone.

"It is nothing against you my lady but you must not come," Boromir says immediately and I don't have the chance to respond before I am interrupted.

"It has already been decided she must accompany you on the first part of your journey at least," Elrond says, although his voice is heavy with something akin to guilt which surprises me.

"It is a suicide mission, she does not belong here," Boromir continues.

"Then it is a win win situation," I say and they all look at me in shocked surprise and so I continue, "I do not belong here as you said and so if I die then it is no great loss and I either find myself back at home or I have sacrificed myself for a worthy cause there is no down side," I say and they are still gaping at me shock now joining the already thick tension in the air.

"You do not know what you say," Boromir says eventually,

"I think perhaps she knows better than any of us what we face and she will be well protected," Aragorn states and it is my turn to look shocked.

"You must not protect me, I am not important, train me so I may protect myself," I say after a moment and he looks ready to argue until Gandalf jumps in.

"Excellent, you will train with the rest of the fellowship until we leave in a months time," he says effectively dismissing the meeting and I am left in the wake of several grumbling males and still reeling from Aragorn's sudden mood change.