A Second Chance

A Second Chance Part 16

The next morning I wake to the soft light of dawn reaching through the curtains towards me and I turn to find that I am still in the warm embrace of Legolas. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be held like this by someone and I am filled with a strange mix of fear, anxiety and hope as I remember all of my past relationships, how they had started like this and all too soon fallen apart and become violent and destructive and the hope that this could be something different, something better.

"What is wrong tarien?" Legolas asks as he shifts slightly so he is hoovering over me and I am still caught between his arms.

"Nothing..." I start but then seeing the look on his face I smile a little and shake my head not sure whether to be worried about the fact that he seemed to read me so easily. "I was just thinking, about my past, about... about how this feels different," I murmur and he leans down to kiss me gently.

"It is different melamin, I would never hurt you," he whispers into my lips and I nod.

"I know, I just... I am still scared, maybe it is me, what if all those times before it was my fault?"

"The way you have been treated is not your fault," he says vehemently and I giggle a little at his stern expression.

"You didn't even know me then how could you possibly know if it was my fault or not?" I reply and he moves slightly until he is sitting against the headboard and has pulled me into his lap.

"I know you now though and I know that it is never okay to treat a woman badly," he says simply pulling me into another scorching kiss before I can respond.

"Finley it is time to leave you must be ready... you too Legolas," Boromir calls through the door suddenly and I break from our kiss with a gasp and a fierce blush.

"Oh great," I cry burying my head in my hands suddenly and he shifts to pull me closer to him.

"What is wrong?" he asks sounding concerned which makes me want to laugh and cry all at once.

"Everyone is going to think..." I start trailing off as I try to explain myself without making even more of a fool of myself.

"Tarien, I think you underestimate the loyalty and protection of our fellowship, they will allow no one to question your honour," he says quietly and I simply stare at my hands for a while not answering you and he sighs heavily at this. "I know that trusting is difficult for you melamin but you need to learn to have faith in us, we have done little to deserve it thus far but know that we will never leave you or hurt you intentionally," he is breathing almost heavily, for an elf that is, by the time he has finished his speech and I make the decision to at least look like I believe him. I mean I do believe him but I need to make more of an effort to show it I think and so I look up at him and smile as convincingly as I can before leaning into him and kissing him softly.

"We should get ready," I whisper eventually and he nods slowly.

We get ready in silence and I can feel the apprehension building in me once again as he stands before me and helps to strap my weapons to me. My entire body feels stiff and tired despite the sleep I had had and I am forced to lean on Legolas more heavily than I would have liked to as we make our way to the others and the horses and I don't miss the concerned glances he keeps sending my way. I am quickly distracted however by the devastation that surrounded us. As we come to a stop and Legolas moves away slightly to talk to the others I stare around in horror. Everywhere, every surface, every person bore the marks of battle. The stench of death made my breath stutter and I had to force myself not to vomit. Blood stained the stone and closing my eyes did nothing to help as when I did all I could see were the wide, staring eyes of those who had died and a new sickness washes through me and this time I can't stop it and so staring around wildly, I rush to a secluded spot and promptly empty my stomach of water and bile. Thank the lord I had not had anything to eat.

"Tarien, what is it? Are you ill?" Legolas is there instantly and his hand rests warmly on my back as I stand upright shakily, my legs very nearly collapsing beneath me before he catches me firmly around the waist and manoeuvres me to sit on a piece of broken masonry.

"I'm sorry," I mutter eventually feeling humiliation creep over me and tears sting in my eyes.

"There is no shame in being affected by war and death tarien," he whispers as his fingers trace patterns across the skin on my hands.

"I have never seen you or Aragorn or Boromir throw up at the sight of it," I respond my cheeks still flaming.

"We have been fighting in such battles for many years melamin," he says in a heavy voice and I stare up at him getting caught in his eyes for a moment.

"Does it get easier?" I ask eventually and for a long moment he doesn't answer me, he merely stares at me, his fingers moving to dance across my cheeks for a moment before he finally nods.

"It does... but I wish that it would be the last time you would see such things," I smile at this and shake my head a tiny bit.

"Unfortunately I shall have to, I can only hope that there is time enough for me to train and become a better warrior before then," I reply and he shakes his head sadly pulling me towards him and placing a kiss on the side of my head.

"Come the others are waiting for us," he whispers into my hairline and I nod moving to stand and clutching at him as sickness washes over me again and I am forced to take a few deep breaths, clutching at him, trying to breath him in and not the stench of death around me.

"Sorry," I say again as his arm winds around my waist and he steers me slowly towards the company sitting astride their horses.

"Nessa er what is wrong?" Aragorn says jumping from his horse and moving towards me at the same time as Boromir does.

"You are so pale, Finley what is wrong?" Boromir asks, his own voice thick with worry and I try to smile at them both even as I feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment at appearing so weak.

"Is she fit to ride perhaps lady Finley should travel back to Edoras with the women and children," Theodan says and I tense even as I sense the three around me do the same.

"No, she must travel with us, she can rest while we travel, she will be fine," Gandalf responds and they all stare at me for a while as if doubtful of his words.

"Gandalf is right, I will be fine, I just need to rest a little," I say quietly and after another tense silence they seem to give in and Legolas leaps onto his horse while Aragorn picks me up as if I weigh nothing and settles me in front of him. Legolas pulls me closer to him and grabbing the reigns keeps one arm firmly wrapped around me.

"Rest your head against my shoulder and sleep tarien I will keep you safe," he whispers to me and I nod, closing my eyes partly because he has told me to and partly to block out the stares from everyone around us, as we begin our ride to Isenguard.