A Second Chance

A Second Chance Part 17

Three days later we finally approach the white tower of Isenguard and I am so shocked by the sight that I don't speak for a while, gazing around in wonder at the water flowing over the destroyed enemy land.

"Finley," the yell pulls me from my wondering and my face breaks into a hopeful smile for the first time in a long time as I see Pippin and Merry waving madly at me.

"Merry, Pippin, I was so worried about you," I squeal as I slip down from behind Legolas and embrace them tightly.

"We missed you so much," they both say and I smile as I embrace them again before a throat clearing distracts us from our reunion.

"The time for celebrating is later my friends, there is still much to do," Gandalf says and we nod silently and I find myself back behind Legolas as we wait for Saruman to show himself. I am once again distracted by the ents and am only drawn back to the conversation by Legolas tensing in front of me and expecting to hear the words I had heard hundreds of times before I am shocked to see him addressing me.

"The mortal from another world," he laughs derisively

"How...?" my voice is a whisper and I have no idea what I am saying but he cuts me off anyway.

"So pathetic, so desperate, you will find no more comfort in this world child, your path was always to be alone and you shall be again," he continues and I can feel both hurt and fear filling me.

"Be quiet Saruman," Gandalf commands but he just laughs waving it off.

"He doesn't know yet about her gifts but he will soon, I have seen it, he'll be coming for her soon," he replies and now the panic is all I feel I barely register the rest of the conversation, Legolas shooting Wormtongue and Saruman falling.

"I will not allow it," Legolas is muttering to me and I look up to see he has somehow manoeuvred me to be in front of him. "Look at me Tarien, what he said was not true, you shall never be alone," he says and I smile at the conviction in his voice despite the voice in the back of my head that is telling me I should let him go.

The ride back to Edoras is mostly silent as I pretend to sleep against Legolas' chest whilst in reality I begin to think things through. I had known all along that I shouldn't be involved with Legolas, that he was an elf and I was mortal and it could only end badly. Saruman was right I would be alone because I couldn't let him fade for me, I couldn't hold that sort of guilt. I would have to make him hate me but I had no idea how, he loved me, he had told me he did, how could I make him angry. I sigh as I realise I was going to have to hurt him and the rest of the fellowship in order to save him, save them all.

By evening my insides were roiling as I got ready to set my plan into motion, I sigh deeply as I move towards the banquet hall avoiding the gaze of Aragorn and pleased to see that Legolas is already involved in his drinking contest, I pick up a cup of wine and quickly gulp it down before reaching for another. I was going to need dutch courage for this, I move around the crowd feeling the wine take effect as my body sways to the music I can hear and I giggle as a soldier takes my hand and swings me around to dance. In a few moments I am surrounded by men dancing and laughing with them and I can feel his hard stare boring into me as I gulp down another cup of wine.

"Come with me," he says tensely as he grabs me roughly and pulls me from the building and out into the fresh air where he lets me go causing me to stumble a little before steadying myself by leaning against a wall. The wine in my system leaving suddenly as I look into his eyes and see the hurt and anger, almost bailing on my plan until I feel the pain his grip on my arm had caused and looking down I see the red marks there and am suddenly filled with my own anger.

"What do you think you're doing?" I say harshly standing up straighter.

"Me? What are you doing? Parading around with those men, you are mine Finley," he replies and white hot anger suddenly bursts through me.

"I was celebrating Legolas, am I not allowed to dance?"

"And the drinking? You are drunk," he accuses and I laugh at this, though there is little humour in it.

"You were having a drinking contest, suddenly I am not allowed to drink a cup of wine,"

"You were... you are... I am a prince I cannot have you..."
"How dare you," I shout suddenly cutting him off as hurt now joins the anger, suddenly this argument was real and I hated it but I was no longer fighting to save him, I was fighting him because I hated him in this moment.
"Finley," he starts stepping forward his hand outstretched as if he has realised what he has said and I flinch away from him crumbling in defeat as I sag against the wall, the fight gone from me just as suddenly as it had started.

"I can't do this Legolas," I say in a virtual whisper, knowing that he would hear me.

"Then let us forget it, let us go back in and..." but I hold up a hand to stop him.

"No," I start, "I can't do this," I repeat gesturing between the two of us and he freezes looking both lost and bewildered.

"Tarien, I love you, I promise..." he says hoarsely, as if unsure what he was trying to say but I shake my head.

"You promised you would never hurt me too, but you have," I cannot meet his eyes as I say this, it's not true, not really, but I had to do this,

"No. Tarien, I am sorry, we can get through this we..." but I cut him off again with a shake of my head, my eyes still downcast, desperately willing the tears not to fall.

"We are from different worlds Legolas, we are from different races, we can't... it just... I can't," I finish lamely as I walk away from him. I make it all the way to my room before I collapse and let the tears fall. I mean I hated that he had hurt me, that he made me feel guilty for that but mostly I hated myself. All I had done since coming here was cause pain. All I had wanted was a second chance and I had ruined everything and destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me. I wish I had let him continue to hate as he did when we first met.

I don't see the other members of the fellowship for the next few days, I know already what has happened and I know that Gandalf has left with Pippin but I can't bring myself to face any of them. That is until the knock on my door on the morning of the fifth day,

"Finley it's me, Aragorn," he says and I quietly get up and open the door turning away from him and moving to sit in the window once more. I hear him sigh as he moves towards me sitting beside me in silence for a while.

"It's time for us to leave and go to Gondor isn't it?" I ask after a while and his sigh tells me that I am right.

"Why are you doing this to yourself Finley, you love him, why push him away?" he asks and I lift my eyes to his and offer him a weak smile.

"It is for the best, he can be happy without me, I would only ruin everything good about him," I whisper and he sighs again.

"You know that is not true," he replies and I shake my head even as I feel the tears collecting in my eyes once more.

"There are more important things to worry about now, he is channelling his energy into training, into battle?" I ask and he nods, "good then he will not be distracted, I am not good for him, for any of you," I finish and before I can protest I am pulled into his strong arms.

"You know that is not true, we will fix this, you will fix this," he says almost sternly and I simply offer him a watery smile.

"I don't think I can and it doesn't matter now anyway, we have to focus on Frodo," I say in a whisper and he sighs heavily again but doesn't push it any further, instead he simply helps me to get ready and then walks with me to the stables.

My entire body freezes as I see him and I can barely breathe, he looks... fine, outwardly at least he looks unchanged and unfazed but as he catches my eye I see the hurt and turmoil and I turn away before he can see that I still love him. He has to move on, he has to forget me. So, I mount my horse silently and ride ahead of them all trying to not look back as we make our way to the meeting point where I knew they would head for the Dimholt road.