A Second Chance

A Second Chance Part 20

Finley's POV

It had been nearly a month since I had first awoken and physically at least I seem to be doing pretty well. I am virtually healed, bar a few deep cuts that are still stitched and some bruising that is yet to fade. I have scars but not as many as were expected. In fact Gandalf told me that he would need to speak to me more about the rate at which I healed when I was back in Gondor which confused me. Mostly though I just feel lost and broken.Like the old me is gone. I jump at everything, I wake screaming every night and panic attacks cripple me regularly. I know that Boromir is worried about me, he has hardly left my side and I know that Aragorn is worried too as he is pushing for Boromir to bring me to Gondor as soon as possible so that I am back close to him. I know that they're all worried about me, at least all of them except Legolas. The stupid thing is that I know he loves me, I know that he still cares and I know that he is staying away out of guilt and out of some misguided idea that it is for the best. I know that because I'm the one who made him think it and it was so wrong. The only problem now is that whilst a huge part of me thinks that the only thing that will ever make me feel whole again, feel normal again is him, at the same time I know I can never be with him because I am too damaged and broken. I was never right for him anyway, he is immortal and powerful, a prince and perfect and I am just a clumsy, damaged human. Now though I am a shell of a human, barely alive. I spend each waking moment simultaneously wanting to be close to him and never wanting to see him again because the thought of him seeing me this... broken, the thought of him rejecting me again is too much to bear.

"Finley," the voice startles me awake and I sit up groggily, wincing slightly as the movement pulls on some of my bruises.

"Sorry I must have fallen asleep," I whisper quietly as Boromir sits beside me,

"You have nothing to apologise for my little friend," he says back with a solemn smile, "we are to leave tomorrow for Gondor," he says after a moments pause and I smile at him. I had decided a while ago to pretend to be as okay as possible so as not to worry them.

"Thats good," I say and he simply puts an arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side.

"You are a true and brave friend Finley, you saved my life and nearly lost your own and I have failed to protect you since. The thought of you suffering... being... I am so sorry I wasn't there to stop it happening to you but I vow to you that as long as I am alive and here I will look after you," he says so sincerely that I feel tears spring to my eyes.

"Boromir it is not your fault, do you want to know why I saved you at Amun Hen?" I ask and he looks at me quizzically for a while.

"Tell me," he says after a pause and for a moment I just examine his face as he watches me, I take in his sincerity and honesty, the loyalty and the integrity, everything about this man screamed hero, called out warrior and made me want to be honest with him.

"The fellowship," I begin, pausing to check I have his full attention, "you were the first people to ever care. I know we had our difficulties, our... misunderstandings but..." I break off again trying to work out how to put what I meant into words. "When you hurt me, you weren't yourself, you were being controlled and when you came back to yourself what is the first thing you did, do you remember?" I ask and he looks vaguely confused for a moment before comprehension dawns across his face.

"I was mortified, I apologised, I still cannot believe... I am still distraught that I did such a thing," he says his eyes downcast and I instinctively grab his hand making him look up and meet my eye.

"Exactly," I say quietly and as earnestly as possible, "you are the first person, the fellowship are the first people to ever apologise for hurting me, to not blame me for it," I say and he pulls me into his lap then, cradling me like a child as he rests his chin upon my head.