Story Without A Name

Chapter 2

  "I can't even say your name, so let me write it out. Fill the pen with blood from the sink," I sing softly. I turn on the water and pick up my blade. I drop it in the sink and put my arm under the water. I wince at my palm burning. 

I hear a knock on my bedroom door and shut off the water. Quickly I go into the room and pull on my hoodie, my wrist and hand in the sleeve. "Come in," I say nervously. My mother walks in just as nervous. 

"Hey, sweetheart," she says quietly. "You okay?" She sounds too worried. "You, uh, didn't say 'hey' when you got home." I nod. 

"S-sorry," I mumble. 

"It's fine. Uh, Kellin will be home soon. I thought you would want to know." She smiles sweet and fake. 

Kellin is my half-brother. We have different dads. Hence the different last name. Quinn. Mine is Smith, shared by my brother Justin. My full brother. It's a common last name. 

"Thanks, tell m-me when h-he's h-here," I say. I look away from her. 

"Dinner will be ready soon as well, and we would like to eat as a family," she states and waits for a response. 

Not getting one, she walks out and closes my door. I always sit in my room after school, but she tries so hard and knows that Kellin is important to me. 

I miss him. He went to school with me, the first year of this new school. Soon after, though, he had graduated. He made a band with a few friends. Sleeping With Sirens. 

The band is great, but I miss him, and he forgets to call. I pick up my phone and dial his number, without pressing call. Suddenly his song, "Deja vú" blasts out of my phone and his name comes on the ID. 

"Hey," I say quietly. 

"Hey, it's Kellin." 

"I know." 

"I'm almost home. Please eat dinner with us." 

"Fine. Only 'cuz I miss you." 

"Miss you, too. Tour's been good. Just, like, long." 

"Sorry, uh, bye, then." 

"Bye, Amber." The line goes dead. I stare at the phone. I pull up my music list on my iPod. My charger is already with my laptop so I plug it in. The demo cd sits on my bed. I place it in the laptop and start it. 

The first song is called "May These Noises Startle You in Your Sleep." 

"If you wanted to save me why the fuck didn't you say something?" That's one of the only lines I can understand. The second song, a continuation, is a bit better and better put together. 

Track 3 is also good, more upbeat and catchy. King for a Day is also a good song. I save the demo to my iPod and unplug it. I get up and move slowly. My hand burning and I look down. My hand bleeding again. I go back into my bathroom and clean up everything better. 

I hear my door open and I shove my box back in its drawer. Kellin walks in, and before he could react to my slightly bleeding hand, I hug him tightly. 

"Kellin!" I shout excitedly. 

"Amber!" he mimics me. I pull my sleeve down quietly. 

"How's tour?" I ask. "It's okay, just boring," he replies hugging me tighter. 

"Can't. Breathe." I choke out and he lets me go. 

"Okay, okay, how are you doing?" I hesitate from the worried look. 

"Kellin, I'm good." I smile trying to look honest. 

"Still got your stutter?" I nod, knowing I don't stutter to him. I think it's because I trust him. 

"Even around mum," I add and he looks shocked. He looks close to tears. "Kells, don't cry." 

"I'm not gonna, I mean, I'm fine. Are you ready for dinner?" I again silently nod. "Tell me," he says, knowing something is wrong. 

"I feel fat, Kellin." He smiles and pokes me in the side. 

"You're skinny enough that your ribs stick out," he states. 

"But my..." I pause to think. "Thighs." 

"Does your brain even work?" he teases and violently pokes my thigh. "C'mon, you're not fat. Not even close." I sigh. 

"Fine, let's just go to dinner," I say and push him out the door, using my good hand. "I'll meet you down there." He smiles and runs down the stairs. I walk back into my bathroom rinsing my hand again and bandaging it. Quickly I get downstairs and sit between my brothers. 

I glance at my dad and he avoids my eyes. I look at the dinner my mum is setting. I wait patiently because she prefers we stay out of her way when she's cooking or setting the table. We sit in silence, seemingly uncomfortable until she finally sits down.

"So, um, welcome home Kellin," my mum says and my dad coughs. 

"Yeah, thanks," Kellin says and reaches for food. Everyone stays quiet and eats uncomfortably. I don't really eat; pushing my food around on the plate. "May, um, may I be excused?" Kellin asks, clearing his throat. 

My mother nods, not looking up and he takes his plate to the kitchen, disappearing, presumably upstairs. I stay for a short while before doing the same, walking up to my room. Kellin is sitting on my bed; he is talking to his boyfriend. He looks up and goes quiet. 

"You okay?" I hear come from the phone. 

"Yeah, yeah, I gotta go. I love you," he mumbles. I hear a muffled response and stand, waiting for him. "I'm sorry. I just can't do it." I nod trying to be understanding. "He's not my dad," he states, sounding defeated. 

"I know, Kells," I frown, "but he is mine." Kellin flinches. 

"No, I refuse to admit that." He sighs. "You're still my sister, alright?" I nod quietly. I walk slowly to the bed, slightly lightheaded. "Are you okay?" he asks. I shake head as I sit down.   

 I wince when my hand presses on the bed. "What is wrong?" He grabs my hand and looks over the cut. I pull away and start to shake. My breathing quickens and my vision blurs. I pull my knees up to my chest. "Mum!" Kellin shouts and tries to keep me on the bed. 

"Kellin," I gasp, my chest collapsing. He takes my shoulders, telling me to breathe. I look at my hand and see that I bled through my gauze. 

"Breathe, please, breathe. Just breathe." He keeps repeating it. I can't hear anymore and I lash out to grab onto something. I almost fall and my vision starts to clear out. I take a needed breath and I feel my chest move. My mum comes into the room and starts shouting.