Being a Lovato was never easy

Chapter 25

Demi's POV

My life is just constantly spiralling out of control, maybe it is just time that I end it all, all I ever seem to bring is disappointment and destruction. I'm not sure how to handle it, my rock and my best friend is gone forever, my sisters could care less about what happens to me and my mom and dad hate me. What do I do?

Maybe if I just disappeared nobody would miss me, it might ease everyone's pain. If I wasn't the way I am, Wilmer wouldn't have died, Ellie wouldn't' be in a coma and my family would be happy. Maybe if I didn't exist they could be the family they are meant to be.

What is me running away isn't good enough? I mean, the damage is already done and nothing can change that not matter how much time goes by. I hate the fact that Ellie looked up to me so much and that she had to copy me. I hate that I didn't realise what was happening. I hate that I caused her so much suffering when all she wanted was compassion from her sister, instead of giving her love and guidance, I gave her a reason to never understand what it is like to be wanted by the one person you admire. 

I wish I could turn the clock back and reverse everything that has happened. I would give Ellie my undivided attention and tell her how much she really means to me. I would be more observant of what is going on and take the time to listen to my families interests. I wish I could be more like Dallas, she is basically the definition of a perfect sister. 

I don't expect my family to ever forgive me or even want to see me again. I wouldn't want to. I wish I was beside Wilmer in his last moments to ease his suffering and tell him how much he means to me. Just so he wasn't alone, I wish I was there.

No amount of words will ever be able to express the guilt that I feel, the frustration, the anger that is fuelling something evil inside of me. Whoever done this to Wilmer is going to pay, one way or another.

Just like I must pay for what I have done to Ellie all of these years.

The path that I am walking feels like it is never going to end, these thoughts are like a prison, holding me hostage in my own mind, not giving me the freedom to think for myself and try to learn from my mistakes. I never thought I could end up in this situation where I was the one who caused more damage than good. It never feels great to even think of this type of thing, but actually being a part of it and most of it being your fault, is like living in a nightmare that you are never going to wake up from.

The deeper my thoughts are getting, the more I feel I am drowning within my emotions. My chest is tightening like the grip an anaconda has on it's prey. My heart feels like it is going to fly out of my chest, it is becoming harder to breathe, I can't escape.

Tears are falling down my face at such a rapid rate I can't control it.

I must keep going though, otherwise the demon inside of me has won. My brain feels like it is against me and I am no longer in control of what my body is doing.

I can't get any help, my support system is better without me. My head is spinning and all I can see is blurs of colours.

And then it goes dark...

Dallas' POV 

Mom is completely devastated. Yeah we all know what Demi has done is unexplainable, but she didn't have to leave the way she did.

I am so angry with her, she just keeps on causing more pain than actually helping any of us. It is unlike her to be like this. There is something not right, but there is no way for us to help Demi, if we don't know where she is.

On top of all of this, mom has just found out what has happened to Wilmer, which has caused her to think Demi is going to do something stupid. Mom loved Wilmer as if he was her own son. She has had to deal with so much heartbreak over the past few weeks, that she is struggling to cope. I'm trying to give her as much support as possible, but I feel like it isn't good enough.

I just wish everything was back to normal and none of this has happened.