Being a Lovato was never easy

Chapter 26

Ellie's POV

Everything around me is falling apart, yet there is nothing that I can do about it. I can't comfort mom, I'm not even able to wake up and tell them what happened. This is all my fault. Yet it isn't all my fault. If only I hadn't of been so stupid.

I've never heard mom so disappointed and she has me as a daughter... I have literally teared this family apart, with no way as to put it back together. 

Demi... Oh god what if she's done something stupid?! I'll never be able to forgive myself. I know she isn't the best sister, but Dallas didn't have to be such a bitch towards her. I hope... wait! I know Demi didn't mean to hurt me. She loves me... right?

Maddie, oh poor Maddie, how is she going to cope? She must be so distraught! Maddie will get past this, she is strong... it can be her motivation to push for her very best! Please don't let what happened stop Maddie from achieving her potential, she deserves the very best.

I get that Dallas is only looking out for me but everyone needs to stay together, I don't know how much longer I can hold on. Every breathe that leaves me, feels like my chest is being crushed. Everything feels as though oxygen that is filling my lungs is beginning to suffocate me, restricting the clarity around me. 

Maybe that's what is happening. That's why they're all arguing, why Demi left. It's not real, it's my imagination. I don't know what is real and what isn't any more. I can't even remember how to breathe on my own! I've solved it. If I wake up then everything will be back the way that it should be. WHY CAN'T I JUST WAKE UP!

I HATE THIS! I want to pull my mom into the biggest hug that I have ever been embraced in. I want to be able to tell everyone just how much I love them all, what they all mean to me.

What if I'm never able to do that again? Not only would I have ruined their lives, but never made them aware of how I felt about them, they'll never know what really happened. Dallas would turn everyone against Demi. Demi will relapse, if she doesn't do that... she'll end it all. She won't be able to live with the guilt and the pain. She is far to weak to be able to handle that.

I feel as though I am sinking into an abyss, almost as if a darkness is surrounding me with n light to guide me to the end. Blurs are all I hear now. At first I heard everything that was being said so clearly, as if it were right next to me. The voices, the conversations, they made happy images for in front of me. They made me feel safe, as if I was going to be ok. Almost as if I'm at home and everything is peaceful.

However, all I ever see now is... darkness or things that should only be witnessed in nightmares or horror movies. It's almost like, if I don't escape now, I never will. Their clasp on me will trap me for eternity. But...there isn't any way that I can leave. Or to wake up.

I just feel everything slipping away from me, my body becoming lifeless. I feel at peace, calm. Nothing can hurt  me anymore...