Stalker ||fillie||

Chapter 15

For the first time since she awoke from the coma she was alone. It felt strange, not having Finn by her side, or her friends and family bustling about taking care of her. She wasn't scared of being alone per se, but instead she was afraid of the dark thoughts that crept into her head without the constant distraction. It was also the first time in weeks that she hadn't woken up in agony, the need to push that damned red button, injecting more medicine into her frail body, numbing the constant pain. She was able to sit up by herself now, the muscles starting to heal, some of the stitches already gone. The bandages were still there, she welcomed their presence, they hid the ugly reality that was now her body. She hadn't yet had the courage to look, scared to see the scars left behind, but today, she needed to know, needed to see the truth, needed to see what she was left with. She managed to sit and swing her legs off the side of the bed so they were dangling a few inches off the floor. She hadn't stood by herself since it happened so she knew she would have to be careful, her legs would be weak. Sliding off the bed, she held on to the side for support until she felt stable. Shuffling towards the full mirror near the bathroom, using her drip stand for support, she steeled herself to see beneath the bandages, knowing she shouldn't be doing this alone but not wanting anyone else to see her reaction. Reaching a spot close enough that she could see herself in mirror, she looked down and started unsticking the white bandages, feeling the air on her skin. Soon, after all of the bandages had been removed, she slowly and gently ran her hands over the closed wounds, but she couldn't get a good picture in her mind just by feel alone. She closed her eyes and prepared herself to look in the mirror. Looking up and opening her eyes she finally saw the roadmap of scars that had been left behind, disfiguring her once unblemished torso. She held her emotions in check for a good few minutes, just staring, taking in the ugly marks, committing their color, their shape to memory, until she broke down, collapsing to her knees and causing shooting pains from the still sensitive injuries to travel her body. Unable to hold back, the sound of her sobs reached the next room where Finn had just returned from his physio. He hobbled in as fast as possible to find Millie surrounded by a small pile of used bandages, collapsed against the wall in pain.

"Millie! What happened?" he asked, grabbing her and trying to get her up.

"Get away from me" she half-yelled through the tears, trying to push him away.

"Millie, stop it, stop...pushing...me...away" he said, as she tried to stop him helping her, shoving his arms away. "Fine!" he yelled, standing up and backing away slightly, running his hands through her hair. He turned his back for a moment, trying to calm down; he wasn't angry with her, no it was himself he was furious with. He couldn't work out what she needed, how to help her, he failed her then and he was failing her now. "I'm sorry, Millie" he said in a small voice, a voice that sounded nothing like him, a voice of total defeat.

It made her stop though, this voice she'd never heard before, it disturbed her, if truth be told it hurt her deep inside, he was giving up on her. If I don't have Finn...I have nothing...life without him is meaningless... "No, no, I'm sorry...please...I need you..." she said, reaching out to him.

He turned and made his way back to her, "what happened?" he asked softly, gesturing to the bandages and her, on the cold floor.

She looked so uncomfortable from the question that Finn was about to tell her not to answer him, but before he could she put her hand out, indicating for him to help her up. Once standing she grabbed the hem of her gown with shaking hand and pulled it aside to show him the aftermath of the attack. "I had to see" she whispered breathlessly. She expected him to look away in horror, in disgust at what he saw, instead she saw sadness and regret in his eyes, but overshadowed by something far worse, guilt.

"I'm sorry" he said, through tears that had come so suddenly, "I let you down, I didn't protect you, I'm sorry, Millie, I'm so sorry..." He couldn't look at her any longer, he was too ashamed that he hadn't kept his promise to take care of her.

His reaction was completely unexpected, she'd expected him to look away, unable to stomach the sight of the ugly scars. He felt her gentle hand on his face, raising it up to look at her, a sad smile on her face, "no Finn, this is my fault, you were right the whole time, I should have told more people...it wasn't fair to let you think you should be the one protecting me...I almost lost you...I don't ever want to lose you, ever.

"I promised you, Millie, I promised you I'd never let anyone hurt you...and..." he couldn't continue.

She wrapped her arms around him, closing her eyes tight, "I'd be dead without you, Finn, you saved my life, you really are my hero, thank you, thank you." She kissed him through the tears that she couldn't hold back.

"Millie, you're beautiful, inside and out, nothing will ever make me feel any different" Finn said, gently placing his hand on her stomach, tracing the lines with his thumb. Millie knew that only he would ever be able to touch her there and still make her feel beautiful.

They both knew that they'd needed this, the guilt and pain had been building up since the attack, both hurting, each blaming themselves for the other's pain. Letting it all go had been cathartic, releasing a pressure no one had realised was building, and they could finally hold each other and feel at peace with each other again.

"I love you, Millie" he whispered.

"I love you too."

*~~~~~~~~~~*

A/N ugh, sorry, not feeling this chapter...next will be better, promise 😉