Stalker ||fillie||

Chapter 18

The MRI was easy enough, lie perfectly still, try and ignore the loud clunking noises. Millie was given the option of wearing headphones and having music piped through, but since the attack she hadn't felt like listening to any of her previous favorites, she felt nothing now when she did, like she was numb to anything that used to be pleasurable. I'm a fucked-up version of myself.

The ultrasound was far more uncomfortable. Having to lie down and expose her ugly scars to another stranger, but worse still to Finn. Yes, he'd seen them before, but only briefly, she knew that this time he would be able to examine them fully while she lay still. As the sonographer told her to lift her top she closed her eyes and looked away, unable to look at them anymore, she'd already committed them to memory, not that she needed to as they would be there for the rest of her life.

As the clear jelly was squeezed onto her and the sonographer started his scan, Finn reached over and took her hand. He didn't have a clue what they were looking for on the screen, it just looked like a lot of fuzzy images in various shades of gray, so instead he couldn't help but look at her exposed torso. While Millie could only see a disgusting mass of scarred tissue, Finn still saw possibly the sexiest body he'd ever set eyes on or imagined, which just happened to be marked by some lines, like a living piece of art, a roadmap leading to an inner strength he'd never have. Little did he know how close she was to cracking, the healing tissue, the scars, belying the wounds still raw and open inside her heart and soul.

Millie looked up and, as she expected, saw Finn looking at her exposed skin, but she was surprised to see not a look of disgust or pity on his face, more like admiration for what he saw. She couldn't understand it and assumed she was reading him wrong, she was getting more screwed up by the day and even he didn't make sense to her anymore. She couldn't help but let go of his hand and look away, a tear escaping from her eye, but immediately looked back at him when he grabbed it again, tighter this time, like he would never let it go. They locked eyes and he shook his head once, bringing her hand up to his mouth he kissed it softly, you're not alone, Millie, I won't let you face this alone, this isn't just for you, it's for me too.

"Ok, it looks like we have some scarring by your left fallopian tube, but that wasn't unexpected, it may cause difficulty as an egg may not be able to reach the uterus." Finn saw Millie squeeze her eyes shut so he squeezed her hand a little, and kissed it again. "However, there is no damage to the other one and the uterus is completely intact, it looks like it was completely unscathed."

"So, what does that all mean exactly?" asked Finn, feeling completely at sea discussing the inner workings of the female reproductive system.

"It means that Ms Brown should have no trouble conceiving in future and having a normal full-term pregnancy" replied the sonographer happily. "I'm sure that's a relief for you both" he added, looking at them both, but immediately regretting saying it as Millie looked far from happy. "Oh, um, I'll let you clean up, I'll be back in 10 minutes" he said, quickly making an excuse to leave them alone.

Millie just lay there not knowing what to think or say. She didn't know why but tears had started falling freely from her eyes, she felt ashamed crying at what should be good news but she couldn't stop, so instead turned her head away from Finn. I'm so fucked up, I can't do this anymore, I can't pretend everything's ok...

"Millie" he said softly, "please don't do this, don't hide from me." She just started crying more which broke his heart. "Here, let me help you." He took the tissues they'd been given and gently started wiping off the gel. Millie winced when he trailed over her scars, causing him to look up sharply, "does it hurt" he asked, concerned. She shook her head no. It was then he realised that her whole body was tense. "Talk to me..." he whispered, "please."

She let out a ragged breath, one that she'd been holding, and shook her head no, "I can't" she said.

"It's ok" he replied, smiling reassuringly. "Just try to relax your body, ok? Please trust me." She nodded almost imperceptibly, and with that he continued to gently clean off the gel. When he'd finished, she felt more relaxed than she had been in weeks, calmed by his gentle hands and presence, his willingness to touch the ugly scars.

"Thank you" she whispered, unable to meet his eye. She didn't see his genuine smile, happy that he'd been able to help her, but also tinged with something else. Knowing that she felt so bad about her scars, and he did know, she didn't hide it as well as she thought, he made a bold move, one that he knew could backfire spectacularly, but was worth the risk if he could make her feel even slightly better. He leaned over slowly and kissed one of the scars. Hearing her gasp but not pushing him away he kissed another part of it, and then another. For the first time since waking up in hospital, coming around to a nightmare that was meant to disappear upon waking, she felt something other than the pain, and despair, and fear that haunted her.

"Finn?"

"Yes?"

"Let me see them..." He looked at her, not sure if she was asking what he thought she was. "Your scars."

"Are...are you sure?" She nodded hesitantly, and he proceeded to remove his shirt, showing the scar by his ribs and the one in his shoulder.

"You never showed them to me before" she said, sadly realising how self-absorbed she'd been.

"You didn't ask, and I didn't want to upset you" he said sincerely. "They honestly don't bother me so much...I think because...because they mean different things." Millie frowned, not sure she understood what he meant. "My scars remind me that you're still alive, without them I wouldn't still have you...they are the best thing about me."

Millie couldn't stop herself from breaking down, through her tears saying "I'm so sorry Finn, it's all my fault, I should have listened to you...you saved my life...thank you..."

Finn pulled her into a sitting position on the bed and further into a tight hug. "Millie, I would die for you, without a second thought, a life without you in it is no life at all" he whispered into the hug. Her breath hitched, pushing away from him slightly she looked into his eyes and felt the need to return his sentiment, but unable to think of meaningful enough words she instead smashed her lips onto his. They'd both missed this level of intimacy with each other, having to focus on just getting through the next day for so long, and only stopped when the sonographer did a fake cough to announce his presence.

"Um, when I said you could conceive with no problems in the future...I didn't mean start right now."

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