To Love A King

15

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I wonder if it makes him uncomfortable when I stare at him. When I throw my shame away and stare and stare and stare. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Is stare and hope that maybe whatever you're staring at will disappear.

Honestly, I don't think he's ever uncomfortable. What do wolf kings know of shame?

Nothing. Obviously. 

"Staring won't kill me little fox. Your glares are doing nothing for you."

"I do not glare," I say. That is a lie. I glare at everything. I glare at the sky. 

He finally looks up from whatever he is reading. His dark eyes meet mine.

"You lie about the strangest things fox."

"I do not lie," lie. 

I am nothing but a liar. Lies make my bones, my mind, my world. 

We lie lie lie until we think it's the truth. We always do. It is a vicious thing. It is the only thing.

I look back at him, his eyes seem so cold.

"You think to much little fox."

Looking away, I laugh. It sounds hollow, fake, even to my own ears. I need to work on that. 

"That's funny, people back at my village use to say that I never think." And it was true. I was incredibly thoughtless for a girl with the nickname red fox. I was supposed to be cunning and subtle - according to the name - alas, I was anything but.

He says nothing in return. For a man named after destruction, he is incredibly quite. 

It is unsettling, to say the least. 

"Why am I here?" I ask again. I don't know why. The words came tumbling out of my mouth like they were pulled. Like I had no choice. 

I look back at him when he refuses to answer, this time, I ask forcefully, "Why?"

His eyes flash. 

"You are to be queen." 

"Why?" Again, again, again. Until he gives me what I want. What I need. 

I do not know this god, this wolf king, but I'll be damned if I spend one more moment in the dark like this. 

I'm supposed to be playing this game gently, and I will. Eventually. When I get enough answers.

" Xoius chose you. You are meant to be queen."

Xoius is one of their two gods. Not my gods. Xoius belongs to the wolves. I belong to the Six Women. 

The wolves believe in Luna and Xoius. That is about all I know. I learned very little about them when I was in school, the humans thinking it unnecessary to teach it. They were right to do so. We are not wolves, Luna and Xoius would not care about us.

I was raised in the house of the Six Women. Arena, goddess of grief and shadows. Ana, goddess of night and death.  Cexuna, goddess of the sea, art, and life. Onja, goddess of the sky, justice, and bravery. Nydite, goddess of hope and wind. Hylla, goddess of weapons, chaos, and wrath. I believe in them until the sun is burned out. 

Hylla. I was always more inclined to Hylla and her fire. Watching over her daughters and sharing her gifts when we need them the most.

I've prayed to her countless times. But also towards Onja. It is said that she and Hylla were lovers at one point, maybe even still. And that through their union, they birthed wars and its warriors, and that to please one, you must please the other. Always pray to both.