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i once met a monster.

   how did it feel?

it felt like the world was crumbling around me.

   did it?

no.

   then why do you look so scared?

because when i look in the mirror i see it.

   the monster?

it's me.

+++

"For her height she is underweight," the doctor says. The man was gentle in a way that I despised. Soft hands, soft mind, soft heart. Weak. Even in my eyes. Weak for a wolf and a human. 

I watch the wolf king clench his jaw but before he can speak I comment, "Obviously." I don't stop there though, looking at the doctor I ask, "Have you ever visited a human village?"

"Lillian-"

My head snaps to the kings, "It was just a question." A challenge really. 

I ponder over whether the king sees me. Truly sees me. My scars, my bones, the thoughts that hold me together.

I'll never forget the feeling of his mind scratching at my own. Since my first night here I haven't felt it. Not since I was able to push him out. Shoving his claws away from the only thing that has ever been mine. Wholly.

The doctor stutters, "N-no, Your Majesty."

I bite the inside of my cheek. Soft soft soft.

The king is tense beside me. 

"You should," is all I say.

I need the king's trust. I need him to trust me. 

It is extremely hard keeping my mouth shut.

The king's hand is heavy on my shoulder. The doctor averts my gaze. My smile is cold and I feel cruel. Cruel and powerful. 

I've never once lived in a world, where a wolf would cower at the sight of me. It's a sweet sort of pain. To see fear in one, to know you are the cause. It is easily one of the most addicting sensations I've had the pleasure of partaking in. 

Ares squeezes my shoulder. Another one of his silent warnings. 

"Finish this up," the king snaps.

The doctor does not say another word as he finishes up. Checking my eyes with a light that leaves me blinking and metal so cold it stings.

I know the doctor feels the ridged scars under my flimsy gown. When his hand brushed over them, checking my breathing. I think I might scream. 

6 months has done nothing for me. No proper treatment leaving me almost crippled with pain that I can not seem to leave behind. 

Ares notices immediately. Standing up abruptly in his chair.

The irony is real. He's so worried about me now but he didn't even know when I was being beaten almost to death by a whip that I still can't bear to look at today. He wouldn't have cared.

Monsters are strange that way.

My teeth clench together as the doctor sucks in a breath. 

Soft soft soft.

"These need to be tended too immediately, Your Majesty."

"What does?" Ares cuts in before I can whisper a word.

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