#11 :: Double Standards

Chapter 38.

Sasha

I sat there gobsmacked. I felt sick. I didn't know who this man was.

Why was he telling me this? Why was he saying all these things?

"Why did you tell me this?"

"I believe in no secrets. This was my only secret."

"You should have kept it to yourself."

"Huh?"

"You murdered your daughters mother."

"Yes but I've explained it to you."

"Do you think that makes it any better? Do you think that makes what you did okay?! She was a bad mother yes! So you take your daughter and you raise her like you're doing now. You don't murder her mother!"

"It wasn't on purpose. I didn't deliberately go out to do it. But when she said what she said. If she hadn't said that..."

"STOP! Just stop!"

"Sasha... please. I'm not trying to upset you."

"Too late. I actually thought you was different. I thought you was one of the good guys!!"

"I am!"

"No. No you're not."

"Sasha..."

"Wait.. hold on. So was her death not considered a murder?"

"Not when you have the money and know the right people."

"I feel sick. Are you kidding me right now?!"

"My daughter needed me! I couldn't go to jail! Especially not because of her crackhead mother!"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing." I said as I started pacing up and down the room.

"This wasn't the reaction I was expecting."

"Oh really? What was you expecting? Me to hug you and say everything was going to be alright and that you did the right thing?"

"Well... erm... yes?"

I walked over to Orlando and slapped him across the face.

"SASHA!!"

"NO!! You don't get it!! You're as bad as him! You're even worse!!"

"As bad as who?"

"Troy."

"No. I don't beat up women."

"No, instead you just hold them hostage for 9 months then kill them 3 months later!!"

"It wasn't like that! It was for her own good!"

I started laughing.

"You're more like Troy than you even know. Two things you have said today and you sound just like him. It was for her own good - yeah, he said that the first time he hit me. Said it was for my own good. Apologised too, said he loved me and would never do it again. Then I realised every time he hit me he promised never to do it again..."

"Sash.."

"I'm not done. Oh and let's go back to before the hitting started. The reason he started hitting me. What was it? Oh yes, his way of dealing with a loss. The loss of our child, which by the way... was his fault. Yep. Pushed me down the stairs on purpose. Why? Because I was leaving him because he was having an affair and didn't strap up! So he said over his dead body would I leave him then corrected himself and said actually over mine then away I went... down the stairs. Then his response any time I mentioned it was if I wasn't trying to leave him... as if it gave him right to do what he did! Just like you saying if she never said what she said as if it gave you right to strangle and kill her. IT DOES NOT GIVE YOU RIGHT!! You killed her and Troy killed my baby. Still born. My baby was dead before he even left me. I stayed and was abused and cheated on for years! I was unhappy but I knew one day I would eventually leave. Then you came along. Whisked me off my feet, made me believe I could love again, made me believe there was such a thing as good men out there. I was absolutely ready to start a life with you. But not now. Not when I know what you're capable of. It's like going out of the frying pan and into the fire."

"I'm nothing like him!"

"No.. you're worse. You hold people against their will. Then kill them. Then think your money can cover it all up. One day that beautiful little girl will ask you about her mother. What will you tell her?"

"I.. I don't know."

"Yeah of course you don't. You're going to lie to your daughter, for the rest of her life. That good father I once called you... it's no more. He doesn't exist."

"Sasha please!"

"NO!! You see... I can't do this. Whether you believe you've changed, whether this was actually a one off. I can't do this. I don't see you the same, I no longer feel safe. I allowed myself to stay with a bad man for so long, I can't do that again." I said as my voice shook and tears fell.

"Sasha please... I'm not a bad man." Orlando said as his eyes watered.

"You're right. You just made some real bad decisions. Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Mya needs you. I wouldn't say or do anything to jeopardise that. But me? Us? It's over. Don't call me, don't try to... just don't do nothing. Let me walk out of here."

"I can't. I need you."

"No."

"I do. I have nightmares all the time. But whenever you're here I don't get them."

"That's your conscience attacking at night. Your guilt is eating you alive. I want no part of it. I'll pack my stuff and then I'm gone."

I went and packed my stuff. Then I went and looked in on Mya. She was fast asleep with not a care in the world. I envied her.

"Bye princess. I'll see you around." I said as I got up to leave.

Orlando was at the front door in my way refusing to move.

"I'm sorry about everything you went through with Troy. But I'm nothing like him, I'm not as bad, I'm not worse. I'm a good guy who snapped. Everyone has a breaking point. Please don't do this."

"I never... you did." I said as I walked towards the door.

He stepped to the side and opened the door for me. I made my way to my car and once inside I cried. I cried so hard. The last time I cried like this was when I found out about Gabriel.

I was so tired. So fed up of it all. I just wanted a simple, easy life with no complications. I started up the engine and was about to make my way to Camilla's house then remembered what she said.

There was two other places I could go. I made the call.

"Hey."

"Hey.. any chance I could stay with you for a few days?" I asked.

"I would love you to come and stay."

"Thanks. I'm on my way." I said before coming off the phone.

I was so glad she said yes. I definitely needed the time out so going to stay with her was perfect. After all nobody knew her; or if they did they didn't know where my sister lived.