Sunsets and Stars (Alex Standall x Reader)

Two: Take Me Back To The Times

I rummage through my bedroom, searching for a bottle of hallucinogens I got from an old friend last month. I need to see Alex somehow. So I figured maybe they would work. I stuck my hand beneath my bed, running it along the floor until I hit a small, card board box near the wall. I grabbed a hold of it and pulled it out from beneath my bed.

"There they are." I spoke aloud to myself as I found the pill bottle. I stuck a few in my mouth and dry swallowed it. I hid the bottle once again, kicking the box beneath my bed before laying down. It took a moment to work, but I finally started to trip.

****

"Y/n?" Alex's voice echoed through my head as he came into view. A gigantic smile smeared across his face once he saw me. I felt a smile appear across mine as well. Laughter rushed through me, escaping out of my mouth. Stars surrounded both Alex and I as we moved closer to each other.

"Why'd you leave?" I giggled slightly, trying to ask a serious question. He didn't respond instantly like he usually would. He just looked at me as if I was broken. As if I was disappearing.

"I couldn't deal with the feelings. The emotions. I couldn't deal at all." Alex's voice deepens, sending a wave of nervousness throughout me. I took my eyes off of him for a few moments, examining the stars that surrounded us. The beautiful, glimmering stars that lit up both mine and Alex's eyes. Lit up our faces. "Talk to me y/n. You didn't do drugs to just ignore me." Alex spoke once again. He was right. I did them to talk to him once again. To see him with out him hurting. With out him looking dead.

"I love you." I mumble as I let my eyes wander back to his. He gained his smile back, his eyes catching the image of each star. But inside his pupil, I saw a miniature version of me. I smiled at the thought of it. At how I never really noticed the fact that I could see myself.

"You do?" Alex questioned as he must have heard me. His voice cracked slightly. As if he was upset.

I nod my head in agreement before speaking again. "I do. I really do.."

"Well..." Alex trailed off before taking a deep breath, sighing heavily. "I have loved you for a long time.. Now that I'm gone.. I can't hold you." He told me.

"You aren't gone though." I hesitated to speak. It hurt so bad to hear him say that he's gone. "You still have a chance."

"Y/n, you need to understand something. I shot myself in the head. You're lucky I didn't die instantly, but I'll never be the same if I survive. I'll see things in a different way. I probably will feel worse. I won't get better." I listened to Alex as he explained himself. His eyes bloodshot and watery. He was holding his tears back.

"You don't know that." I finally spoke after a few minutes of silence. "Most people who fail at suicide see life in a brighter way... Sometimes." I added.

"Key word y/n. Sometimes." Alex looked at me. I shook my head and bit the skin off my lip. I looked back at the stars which were multiplying. The sky not only black, but purple and turquoise as well.

"Look at the stars." I say as my smile reappeared. Alex's eyes stayed glued to me. It feels as if they were burning into the side of my face where he was staring. I reached out to the stars and they started to move. I moved my arm up, the stars followed. I moved it down, they still continued to follow. I giggled once again.

"I remember the days we'd sit on the top of my roof, just star gazing." Alex said, bringing back old memories. I nod and glance over at him.

"In all honesty, those were the nights I couldn't get to sleep. You roamed through my head the whole night. I just thought about what you and I could have been." I spoke. My voice was quiet and sweet.