Sunsets and Stars (Alex Standall x Reader)

Three: The Nightmares

For the past week since Alex has been in the hospital, I've been having nightmares. Nightmares of his many different deaths. Many different suicide attempts. I was always forced to watch him kill himself. Forced to watch me kill myself and everyone around me as well.

I recently find myself not sleeping unless I'm beside Alex in the hospital bed. If I'm not beside Alex, I don't feel safe. I don't feel protected. Dad, feeling bad for me, called the hospital and asked for a special request, since he's one of the main doctors. He was able to get the nurse to let me stay nights with Alex. Which is quite odd, I have never seen it happen before. But it's keeping my mind from disturbing me with morbid nightmares.

As I lay in bed beside Alex, I hear a soft mumble escape from his lips. It wasn't exactly words, just gibberish. It's nice to hear some type of sound come out of him. I grip onto his hand slightly as my fingers were intertwined with his. My eye lids started to feel heavy. Sleepy.

I glanced out the window of his hospital room. It has a perfect view of the stars. Of the moon. And of every sunset and sun rise. It was the perfect view in a not so perfect place.

"Alex.." I start to speak once I remembered he could still hear me. "I miss you." I comment, my heart shattering a tiny bit more. "I'd give everything just to have you back.. Why'd you have to leave?" My tears started up again. I bring them on myself.

I looked away from the stars and stared at Alex. I gulped loudly before speaking once again, "I'd give up the stars for you.. Ignore each and every one of them." I wanted him to move. I wanted him to hum. I wanted him to open his eyes and look at me. But I guess it won't happen.

I plant a soft kiss on Alex's forehead before cuddling into his side, closing my eyes. After exactly an hour, I realized I can't sleep. I sat back up and reached my hand inside my over night bag and pulled out the pill bottle. These are the only things that have been making me happy. Making me smile. Making me want to stay alive.

I popped a few of them into my mouth and swallowed them along with a cold Starbucks coffee that Deputy Standall grabbed for me earlier today. I laid back down and stared at the ceiling, waiting patiently for the trip to kick in.

As I started my trip, I landed upon a grassy, flowery hill. Alex was laying beside me on the ground and we were looking up at the sky.

"Welcome back." He spoke. I felt a smile appear across my face like always.

"Did you hear me talking to you?" I question as I noticed the sun setting above the horizon. Alex nodded his nod slowly.

"Of course I did. I miss you too." Alex commented as he answered my question. I watched his finger as he pointed at the sun which was slowly disappearing.

"I don't have much hallucinogens left... And I haven't gone back to school long enough to see my friend that supplies me." I informed Alex. His expression going from happy to sad in an instant.

"H-how are we supposed to talk?" He asked me with hesitation.

"Wake up."

"Come on y/n.... You know I can't do that." Alex responded.

"Wake up."

"Y/n"

"Don't y/n me. Wake. Up." I snapped.

"It doesn't work like that. You have to give me time..." Alex shook his head as he sat up, broken pieces of grass falling off his back.

"Alex. Please. Wake up." I cried, being quite demanding. "Wake up."

"Y/n"

"Jesus Christ stop saying my name!" I yelled with anger. "Wake up. Wake up.  Wake up!" I screeched, standing up.  "I can't wait forever."

"Then leave. Go and kill yourself." Alex commented. My trip instantly turned dark. It's turning right into a nightmare. Shit.

"W-what?" I question. I watch my surroundings as it change for the worse. I found myself in an abandoned building, in the pitch dark. I can't see anything. Even Alex disappeared. "Alex!" I yelled, scared to death.

"Go go go." I heard echos surround me. Making me feel as if I was going insane.

"Kill kill kill."

"your your your."

"self self self"

The echos repeated themselves as shivers ran down my spine. "Stop!" I scream violently.

I feel around and cover my ears, crying my eyes out. A bright light appears. It resembled a stage light. Alex appears with a gun. I watch as he holds it against his head. "No!" I yell. I try to move, but it's like I have heavy weights tied to my whole body, holding me down.

"Give me a reason why I shouldn't." I heard Alex's deep, raspy voice as he stood there in front of his bedroom mirror. He was talking to himself.

"Y/n" He answered his own question easily. He gently taps on the trigger, not officially pulling it. "Give me a reason why I should." Alex spoke again, his voice cracking with emptiness.

"I made someone commit suicide. I hate myself. I can't tell y/n how I feel. She's into every other guy but me. What is wrong with me? Why am I such a horrible guy? When did I turn into a dick?" His list went on and on for a long time before he rested his forehead against his mirror.

"Suicide is an option." I watched as tears fell off his face like raindrops, as mine were doing the same thing. And just like that, Alex pulled the trigger and he instantly fell to the ground, almost dead.

"Miss y/l/n! Wake up!" I hear Nurse Ramsey yell causing me to joke awake. I shoot up in bed and breath rapidly. I was covered with tears and scratches all along my arms. I must've been scratching myself in my sleep. "Are you okay? I heard you crying. Kind of scared me." She questioned, examining me from head to toe.

"Y-yeah." I lied, nodding my head as I look back at Alex. I was scared to death. "Just a n-ightmare." I rubbed my eyes with my knuckles before looking at Nurse Ramsey.

"Let me go get you a drink darling. I'll be back." she smiled before walking away.

I look back at Alex and examine his face. "Wake up." I say softly and quietly. "Wake up.." I poke his cheek slightly. "Please Alex.. For me... Please Wake up."

Sadly, he didn't move. He didn't wake up. But he didn't die.