A Broken Hearted Girl {Wattys2014}

Chapter 9- Convincing Me

“I told them how I feel about you Kierra, I wanted them to know how I felt about their daughter and I also wanted their permission to pursue you,” Ethan explain. 

I still was frozen in place, I didn’t know how to feel about Ethan. I wanted to believe him, believe that he really cared about me, but I wasn’t really sure. People can say one thing, but when it matters the most, when you really need them, they show how they truly feel and I didn’t need anymore heart break.

Staring at Ethan in the middle of my living room, I tried to see past how he was to me when we first met. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe in the words he was confessing to me, but I just couldn’t. All I could see when I looked at him was how he labeled me as trash before ever getting to know me. How he was so disgusted with me because of the rumors and stories that he believed.

I don’t know how long I stood there staring at him, but the longer I stood there thinking about everything the harder it was to keep my emotions together and before I knew what was happening I started to cry.

Ethan instantly started to move towards me when he saw me start to break down. Not wanting him to be near me at the moment, I started to walk backwards with my hands held out in front of me until I felt my back hit the living room wall. 

“Don’t...” I struggled to say. I didn’t want him any closer, I was confused and upset and I didn’t know what to believe.

Ethan stopped immediately only a few feet away from me and pushed his hands through his hair before throwing them up in the air, “Kierra why won’t you let me in, I’ve told you how I feel, I even went so far as to confess my feelings for you to your parents. What more do you need me to do to convince you that I’m completely serious about you. I want to be there for you, I want to be with you,” Ethan said his voice starting to grow desperate.

I just stood there with my back against the wall shaking my head while the tears still streamed down my face, “Stop... just stop it Ethan” I said in a soft voice.

Ethan gave me a look that I didn’t quite understand before trying to move closer to me again. This time he left no chance for me to move away further and had stopped right in front of me.

Not being able to look at him, I turned my head to the side while trying to push the tears, that were continuously falling, away. I felt Ethan give out a deep sigh close to my neck and hated myself when I felt a pleasant shiver travel down it.

I could smell Ethan’s cologne from his close proximity and the cool minty scent of his breath as he softly breathed in and out. I knew Ethan was looking down at me, I could feel his captivating eyes boring into my whole being. But I still couldn’t look at him, I wouldn’t.

“Why don’t you believe me, I don’t know what else to do or say to make you see that I’m for real,” Ethan said in a pained tone.

Right after he said that something must have snapped in me because suddenly I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I couldn’t hide the pain I was feeling inside any longer, I couldn’t hold together the brokenness I felt inside.

Snapping my head back towards Ethan I stared him in the eyes pulling everything I felt and had been keeping bottled up inside into the words I was about to say, “The day at the hospital you told me that the first day you saw me you thought I was beautiful and that you made it your mission to talk to me and get to know me when you saw me next at school. Well when I first saw you I thought you were beautiful too, perfect even. Your eyes were the first thing that capture me. I also saw someone new, someone who didn’t know me and didn’t know my past or the rumors that were said about me. And for a split second or two I wished and hoped that you would see me. I hoped that you would somehow be different than everyone else and for that one moment I wished you would sit next to me. Even if you only sat with me for a few seconds that would have been fine.  I just wanted a chance to make a friend... a chance to not feel alone. But that thought vanished just as quickly as it came because in the back of my mind I knew that would never happen and you proved me right when I saw you sit next to Mark of all people. The one person who has single handedly ruined my life and destroyed my reputation is the very same person you became friends with. I knew then that you were just like him and the things you said to me that day were evidence of that. So yes I have a hard time believing that you actually care about me.”

I was bawling by the time I was finished talking and Ethan’s expression started to become one of guilt, but his eyes never tore away from mine, “Kierra I’m sorry. I admitted to you that I was wrong for the way I treated you in the beginning. If I could take it back I would, I never meant to intentionally hurt you. I just liked you so much and to hear the stories and rumors from everyone kind of messed up my head. I wish everyday that I would have sat next to you first, I wish I could have known you first before all the rumors were said then maybe things would be different between us right now. But I’m trying to make it up to you now, I’m trying to show you that I’m not the guy you think I am you just need to give me a chance to show you,” Ethan said all the while leaning in closer to me ever so slowly taking away the empty space between us.

“You’ll just leave me, I know you will. Everyone always leaves,” I said in a hushed voice while down casting my eyes at the same time.

Ethan raised his hand and brought it up to brush the stray tears away with his thumb, “Kierra I promise I won’t leave you. Just give me one chance to show you how much I care about you, just one. Let me be there for you, you don’t have to feel alone anymore.  Please just give me a chance to prove it to you,” he said with the most honest and sincere voice I’ve ever heard and for the first time in a long time I didn’t feel like I was alone.

Ethan gave a small smile while bringing his other hand up to caress my neck, “I saved you that day for a reason Kierra. The thought of not being able to tell you how I felt and never being able to see you again just didn’t sit well with me. I want you to know that you don’t ever need to feel like taking your life ever again. I’ll take care of you Kierra and I’ll always be there to save you.”

Looking at Ethan and the way he was looking at me like I was the only person in the world, had me slowly letting my defenses tumble to the ground. And not soon after I found myself nodding my head at him.

“Please don’t break my heart...” was the last thing I said before Ethan pulled me into the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced.