A Broken Hearted Girl {Wattys2014}

Chapter 14- Expressions Of Love part 3

THIS CHAPTER IS NOT FINISHED I WILL UPDATE THE REST LATER.  sorry if there are mistakes...

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Kierra’s POV

Since the night my life turned upside down that year and a half ago, I have never once tried to speak out about it to anyone. I’ve never uttered a single word about what happened to me on that fateful night, not even to my parents, and I had planned on keeping it that way; until Ethan came into the picture. 

Never once have I wanted to actually tell someone the truth, never once since that night have I actually wanted to let such a deep wound become visible to someone I cared deeply about. And never once have I been as scared as I was now as I sat next to the guy that held my heart and soul captive.

Ethan had given a surprising look as what I had said just moments ago registered with him. I was pretty sure he knew what talking about what happened between Mark and I meant and I was pretty sure Ethan, even if he refused to admit it to me, wanted to know for himself what happened between Mark and I; and I couldn’t blame him for that.

Just knowing that Ethan had chosen to be with me even after all the horrible things Mark and his friends said about me made me realize I had no choice but to tell him. Because no matter how much I hated it, my past wasn’t going away anytime soon and if Ethan was going to stand by my side he had a right to know what he was getting himself into.

The least I could do is give him the story behind all the disgusted and lustful stares and disrespectful rumors. I didn’t want to, God I wish I didn’t have to but I needed to bring everything out into the open, because I don’t know what I’d do if he ended up leaving me because he found out about what happened between Mark and I in the wrong way. 

However, it was still very possible that Ethan would still leave me after I tell him everything anyhow, and that was what had me so scared to continue. I was afraid he would look at me the way he had the day I met him. I was afraid he wouldn’t want me anymore and I didn’t want to lose him, Ethan was the best thing that’s ever happened to me in such a long time. Besides my parents, he’s the only person who sees me as beautiful and someone deserving of respected and kindness. Besides my parents he’s the only person who actually cares about me...who actually wants me.

As all these thoughts were swarming through my head, Ethan’s room was dead silent as he waited patiently for me to continue. He hasn’t said a word since I spoke up moments ago, instead Ethan sat quietly beside me on his bed, rubbing gently across the small of my back as I tried to hold in the tears I knew were threatening to break the moment I start talking again.

I tried to take a few small breaths in to calm my nerves and to try and muster up the courage I knew I would need to actually talk about what happened. I knew I couldn’t turn back now, it was too late it was either now or never and I couldn’t afford for it to be later. I needed to tell Ethan now and I knew I would have to except Ethan’s wishes if it turns out he doesn’t want to be with me. 

Looking away from Ethan as that thought came to my mind, I felt fear rip through me at the thought of Ethan leaving me. I would be devastated beyond belief.