A Broken Hearted Girl {Wattys2014}

Chapter 11: Some Things Never Change

Kierra’s POV

As soon as Ethan and I walked in front of Mark and Tasha’s group the uncertainty, nervousness and insecurity started to kick back in and the look that came across Marks face, as I took a quick glance in his direction, told me I had a right to feel the way I was feeling. 

Marks face did not show any signs of surprise or confusion about Ethan’s and my sudden coupling, instead he had that same look he always has smeared on his features... that hollow and menacing stare he gives me every time we lock eyes. And before I could look away he was making his way towards Ethan and I, stopping us before we could get to the school entrance steps.

Following not far behind was his group of friends along with Tasha and her minions. I could feel myself getting more nervous as they crowded around us, effectively blocking our path to the school door. I gave a quick look over towards Ethan, certain that my eyes showed all the panic I was feeling inside at this moment. 

I wanted so desperately to turn and run back to Ethan’s car and demand he take me home. I wanted to do what I’ve done so many times before, I wanted to do what came natural to me now, I wanted to run. Run away from all my problems, all the stares and judgmental gazes. I wanted to hide in the save haven of my room where my tormentors could not get to me. I didn’t want to face this, I didn’t want to face these people; I didn’t want to have to defend myself again.

Looking back towards Mark and the crowd of people that made up his group of followers, I quickly took a step back, which I’m sure Mark noticed seeing as his hollow grin got even more prominent then before, I readied myself for what I was about to endure and sadly hung my head as I let the guilt I felt for bring Ethan into my world of pain wash over me. I readied myself to run and most importantly readied myself to lose the one good thing in my life right now, I readied myself to lose Ethan. 

 I didn’t even bother looking towards Ethan again, because despite what he told me in the car and earlier this morning, there was still a tiny speck of doubt that was quickly bubbling to the surface that held every “What if” and fear this type of situation could cause. Because no matter what he said, I was pretty sure his feelings for me would not withstand the humiliation and bullying that I was about to endure.

I was certain he would most certainly end things between us before they ever really begin and the sad part is I wouldn’t even blame him fully. Yes I will be hurt and heartbroken if he does change his mind about being with me, but I wouldn’t be angry because I would wish what I go through and what I’ve been going through for the last year on anyone. I would rather be alone then drag him down into my dark cage of depression all because I wanted him to be with me. He doesn’t deserve that no one does. 

Giving a deep sigh, I closed my eyes and waited for the tormenting and taunting to come and just as I predicted Marks voice broke through the whispered chatters around us and my nightmare began.

“Well, if it isn’t Kierra or should I say pill popper or maybe druggy. I don’t know which one’s a better fit,” Mark said as I slowly raised my head slightly to stare at him with hatred.

Mark gave a look around the small crowd before focusing his taunting grin back towards me and a quiet Ethan, “I guess any one of those name will do since rumor has it that you overdosed on some pills and just about killed yourself, isn’t that right Kierra?” he asked as he casually slid his hands in his coat pockets.

Not waiting for my response, that I wasn’t going to give anyhow, Mark turned his gaze to Ethan; grin never wavering, “Ethan man I know you haven’t been here at this school for that long so I’m going to give you a chance to think about what your doing. You should think twice before claiming this slut next to you as your girl. Your rep will be demolished for god dude if you get with her. Now if you tell me you only with her for a quick hook up then I’ll respect that and we’ll stay cool, but if you’re actually trying to be with her... we’ll just say we ain’t gone be cool. So what’s it going to be?” Mark said to Ethan and just like always Marks friends including Tasha and her friends start to add their own hurtful comments about me, no doubt making Ethan’s choice that much easier.

I couldn’t believe Mark was trying to give Ethan an ultimatum, Mark was taking his obvious power from popularity to a whole new level. I stared hateful daggers towards Mark wishing he would just leave me alone already and wondering why he put so much energy into making my life a living hell. The way I see it and have always seen it is, he got what he wanted a year ago when he did what he did to me. So Why does he make it his life mission to make sure I’m only seen as some dirty slut and most importantly why does he care if someone wants to be with me, why does he try to control my happiness. It makes no sense now and it hasn’t made any sense for the last year. 

I have never in my whole entire life hated someone as much as I hate the guy standing in front of me. I wanted so badly to show him that his words didn’t get to me that they didn’t hurt me, but I couldn’t because the truth was they did, they always did now more than ever before. Because this time not only was he humiliating me in front of everyone, he was also humiliating me in front of someone I cared deeply about, someone that I did not want to lose and I’m most certainly sure Mark knew that if he could embarrass me enough in front of Ethan, he could get Ethan to change his mind about being with me and by how silent Ethan has been for the last five to six minuets, I could say Mark was succeeding and I knew at any moment I would be standing alone.

So instead of standing there and waiting for the inevitable to happen, I took it upon myself, as I looked away from Mark, and slid my hand out of Ethan’s before slowly backing away from the small crowd of Marks friends. I couldn’t take it any longer, I couldn’t stand there and listen to what they all were saying about me to Ethan. I couldn’t watch them turn him against me again, I couldn’t stand there enduring there horrid remarks and rumors just to be rejected by the one person who tried to care for me. I just couldn’t. 

So when I was a few steps back behind Ethan, I finally lifted my head up to find Ethan staring back at me with unreadable eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I looked toward him and instantly tears broke from my eyes. Staring at his face, even though I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, had me frightened immensely. 

I just knew he was about to give up on me, I just knew he was about to turn against me and that realization had breaking inside. I watched as Ethan went to say something to me, but before he could get out whatever he was going to say I spoke up quickly instead, “It’s okay Ethan...” I said in a husky whispered, the hurt and heartbreak I was feeling laced in each word. 

Before he could get any words of his own out, I turned on my heels and ran, ran past his car and ran past the parking lot entrance and kept on running until I knew I was far enough away from the school. I needed to get away from there.

I stopped running when I got to a small park. Seeing that it was deserted, probably because it was still cold outside and it was still school hours, I started to lazily walk to a swing and sat down taking a deep breath in and out. 

My tears didn’t stop as I sat there on the swing, they only got worse as my mind went over everything that happened in such a short amount of time. I cried over how unfair my life seemed to be, I cried over how hard high school was for me, I cried over how much I wanted to be different or to be someone else and most of all I cried over Ethan the guy I thought was my happy ending... my new beginning.

Looking up at the sky, I shook my head in sadness... Today started out so wonderful just to end up as bad as every other day.