The Storms Of August

Chapter Nineteen: The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway

The blizzard that rolled in last night had already cancelled school for tomorrow, leaving me in the early hours of the morning with a creaking window and snow drifts that boarded me into my own world like a stakeout base camp. Here, I would undoubtedly spend under a blanket while the gusts of howling, snow spitting wind beat against my window pain. What I knew was to come was not all that different from now; dead silence while I mindlessly swiped through photos of other people's memories, lukewarm Gatorade from when I got home this afternoon, and leftovers from taco Tuesday. For some reason, I was inclined to look at my whitewashed window every so often, disappointed time after time when I would not be met with the man in the moon. He was my father, when I looked for forgiveness, he gave it to me without a word and without judgement. He was my greatest guidance and my best listener. Earth is a world of judgement, and I felt it on my back day in and day out. Nick judged my decisions, my teachers judged my performance, my peers judged everything, my parents judged my social skills, and I judged myself to no end. There were only two people who did not judge, who saw me holding a flashlight and assumed I knew the way out of the dark. Demi and Joe, ironically, were the only two who stood by me blindly, stupid, but they were crazy and did it anyway. Somehow things worked out between them. We were heading into Thanksgiving break with nearly three weeks of truce, and for that, I was grateful. The only problem was, that did not mean conflict had ended. Nick and I were at odds, fighting with swords and bayonets while everyone else sleepwalked around us. There were choices and choices to him, so when I chose 'and', he thrust discouragement upon me.

I looked up from my phone and grabbed a photograph from my nightstand. It always calmed me with its simplicity. It was the four of us during a rebellious afternoon of trespassing to walk around the reservoir on the outskirts of town. We were four smiling teens with delinquent stuck in our teeth as we looked at the camera. Joe was square in the photo, laughing at the surprise of me yelling and jumping on his back just before. Nick was on the other side of my boyfriend, paying little attention to the camera as he smiled toothlessly and hoped down the pathway from tree root to tree root. Demi, on the other hand, was all about the camera. She was beside me, leaning in as she stuck out her tongue and put her middle fingers up. She looked like a rock star coming off the high fueled by a crowd and whatever they had left in their pocket. The eyes of a wild lion laid in Joe, a deep brown coated in mischief. Cool eyes controlled Nick's vision, and carefree grazed mine. Demi was a whole different story. She was unpredictable, a wrong turn into a tornado, an extra step down the rabbit hole. She was Demi. I remember when it was taken: it was cold and just before the snowfall. A clouded sun was somewhere in the skies, but the thick forest of evergreens obstructed our vision and kept us within the wooded area and away from the outside world. She was restless, jitterbugging her way down paths like ants were in her pants. Her eyes were not affected too harshly, but I could tell some time before the afternoon announcements came that she had taken something. I had told her to stop recently, so I let it be, but I made sure to glare at her knowingly whenever I had the chance. Demi always looked back with a hint of sadness, but no regret. I was sure that was not the last time I saw that look in her eye. I was positive the glint in her eye was not the white of a blizzard's heart, but the white powder from the bathroom. For not saying all that I could, I apologize to her each and every day. For not doing all that I could, I pray that she will not forgive me.

Despite the background of the day, the picture itself was a cherished one, and frankly one of the best photos I had with her, so I kept it in my mind and I held it close on soupy nights to clear my mind and send me somewhere happy for a minute before I rembraced the silence of being alone. Checking the clock, it was heading onto two, so I figured I'd hit the hay and try to get some shuteye over all the ruckus of winter. I got up, sliding my feet across the chilly hardwood to the switch by the door, and flipped it off to entangle my eyes with temporary blindness.