rant book

e

motivation.

i need that. i don't have that. i want to be motivated to do everything i have to do and want to do. people work so hard and the best is when they are so motivated to keep going no matter how hard they worked. no matter how exhausted they are. no matter how many times they've messed up. i want to be one of those people, but im not even motivated to try and be one of those people.

°•°○•°°•○°•°•○°•°••°•°•°°○

another life.

its so amazing to think about how much there is outside of the earth. how could someone not believe in aliens even when they know of the different planets and galaxies. there has to be another life out there custom to living on mars or jupiter. i love space but it also gives me anxiety..it could be because i over think things and somethings ive never seen with my own eyes worry me. i was watched a very sad yet great movie called 'The Lovely Bones' this movie is amazing. i recommend it to anyone unless you are very sensitive. i am..but i didn’t know what it was about and i thought it was going to be a happy movie. anyway there's a few scenes in particular that i remember just feeling so small and anxious when i saw them. in one scene there's a giant ball so unrealistically huge floating in the big body of water. in another theres giant bottles, you know those really cool ones with ships inside. and lastly there's one with a giant flower underneath the water.

to you maybe these are really beautiful and give you a sense of comfort, but for me that terrifies me? the thought oh something usually so small that you can cradle it in your hands becoming something so huge that it could swallow you..scares me. the thought of being in the water with that beach ball and standing next to it gives me chills and the most uncomfortable twist in my stomach. [sort of a spoil] and the bottles start to break in the movie..imagine being in that water and these giant bottles just start crashing all around you. i started to have an anxiety attack during the movie and had to stop it and relax. but those things and the giant flower. everything. it all scares me..this is all over the place but anyway back to the space talk. i saw a video on instagram about what it would look like if every planet rotated around earth. and as you know there are planets bigger than the sun and the moon..imagine such a big planet hovering over earth. that also gave me anxiety. maybe im too scary and can't handle things..i don't know..